"Kind & Generous"~Natalie Merchant

I'M BACK!  WOOO HOOO!  

I haven't written in awhile due to my surgery from last week.  Recovery was a little harder than I thought.  So here's my update:
I was really concerned about going under with my MdDS.  When I woke up I felt so nauseated, but the docs were awesome about getting that under control.  I really wish I had those kind of drugs for my bad days, let me tell you!  It was like instant relief.  I slept awhile there in the hospital, but was able to go home okay.  However, the first time I stood on my feet the entire room shook.  I felt like I was on a boat on "Deadliest Catch".  It was horrible!  But after walking a bit, I was somewhat okay.  My hubby had to walk me to the bathroom and help with getting dressed, but I was good.  I came home and slept most of the day.  
I wrote last week about having to let go of my job as well which was really tough for me.  I loved my job, but this is my plan for now, and so I must follow it. 
So this weekend I was feeling way better about everything, but because I felt so wonderful I ended up pushing myself too hard on Saturday.  Sunday I tried relaxing and we got to have our first family dinner in a long time with my sister, brother, mom & niece along with my hubby & kids.  It was good energy and I felt good when I left there as well.  
Here comes Monday.  I woke up feeling tired and ended up taking a nap early in the morning.  I woke up to "A Baby Story" on TLC.  Seeing someone have a baby just made a wave of emotion hit me.  It was the first time I really truly grieved over the fact that my husband & I are done having children.  For me this is hard because I always wanted a big family.  I also loved being pregnant and to never have that feeling of a baby again was devastating to me.  About an hour later I had to go out to my job to turn in my security card & termination paperwork.  It was official, my job was done.  This emotional Monday was destruction to my MdDS (which up until this point had been roughly normal).  
Here comes Tuesday.  I go to get out of bed to take care of the kids and I feel like I just did a week ago coming out of surgery. My entire room rocking so hard.  I started getting dizzy and began to black out.  My beautiful dog, Creamer was there when I went down and was there when I woke to her licking my hand.  I got up thinking, I just need to eat something.  Next came horrible neck & shoulder pain.  I persevered and continued getting Seth ready for school.  Here comes the dizzy spell and another black out.  When I came to this time, I decided that today is going to be just a couch day.  Next thing I know my head is KILLING ME!  I can't lift my head off of my pillow.  I stand up to get my phone and see aura the entire time.  All I can do is text my husband....a text that was written like this "I dizzy headache keep blacking out need help please."  Josh comes home and takes me to the doctor.  Migraine.  Great.  This is one of the worst migraines I've had since high school and those were debilitating headaches.  Rest.  I need sleep.  So I go home and just sleep all day.  The next day my mom-in-law comes to get Lily and takes her to her house and I'm here at home to sleep off the residual headache.  I'm miserable.
Here comes Wednesday.  Today is much better.  I feel almost my "normal" self.  Still got my rocking thing going on, but its not too bad.  I
I've decided that I'm not going to push myself anymore.  I expect to have more bouts of emotions, but I'm going to get through this.  I'm going to to claim my new life and keep moving forward.  It took me awhile to come back, but I'm here and I'm going to get back into my routine of writing again.  
I want to say thanks to all of my followers for all the wonderful messages.  They have been very comforting and have definitely given me a lot of strength when I didn't think I had any left.  
To my mom, mom-in-law, Tara, Jake, Sharon, Jessica, Sue Ann, and Anna for helping so much these last two weeks.  
To my husband who has been my rock through all of this.  I know that you have had your feelings about everything as well.  It has been a tough road these last few months, but we've pushed through together.  We have definitely followed through every portion of our vows to one another these last few months and I'm so happy that you are my partner through it all.

 Here's to many more entries!

"Jesus Take the Wheel"~Carrie Underwood

Ok, so...wow...lots to talk about, so here goes.
There have been a lot of things going on that I haven't been able to talk about on here for a lot of reasons.  But now that everything is done, and I've had a lot of prayer, I feel like it is time for me to open up about what has been going on (and also the reasoning behind a lot of my days being higher on the scale).
So first of all, I have had to let my job go.  I haven't been well enough to be able to do my job efficiently.  It wouldn't be fair to myself or my team had I tried to go back because I would have been useless.  I have been working with my doctors, therapists and now a psychiatrist to try and get myself back to the level I need to be to be able to work, and unfortunately my time ran up at my job.  I loved my new job.  I just started working there in January and I loved every minute of it.  It was a challenge that I needed.  It pushed me to be a better person.  I felt so smart and knowledgeable in my area.  I was ready to face the day to day challenges with my job.  Unfortunately, facing those challenges with the challenges of MdDS just wasn't possible.
Second, in June I was told that if I didn't want to suffer with pain that I was having on top of my MdDS (but not related) I would need to have a hysterectomy.  You have seen me write about my two beautiful children.  I love being a mom.  Its all I've ever wanted to be and I always wanted a large family.  These dreams were shut down when I was told that this was my only option. At 29 I never thought I would ever have to think about a hysterectomy.  This news has been devastating to me and my family.  My husband has been stronger than ever.  I tried to put the surgery off as long as I could, however the pain had become unbearable.  Walking or standing for long periods of time was excruciating.   After long talks with friends who have had the surgery, talking with my mom, and other family, along with of course my husband, I decided to have the surgery.  
Finally, last week I decided to start seeing a psychiatrist.  I have fought with depression in the past and with all of these other issues going on along with my MdDS, I was worried of falling into that pit again.  As I explained to the doc about everything going on since May all he could say was "Wow.  All I keep hearing is how much loss you've gone through these last few months."  Until he said that, I guess I never realized how much I have lost these last few months.  I've essentially lost who I used to be.  I'm having to adjust to this new person that I have had to become.  
So the last few days I've prayed harder than I have in a long time.  I've lifted my hands to Him, prayed for Him to keep me safe, and for guidance on this new life.  I'm no longer able to have children, but I have two beautiful children that He has given to me & Josh.  I am no longer a working mom, but a stay-at-home mom.  I walk funny, I rock when I'm standing still, I shake in big crowds, and I close my eyes when there are patterns on wallpaper or floors that make me dizzy.  I will take each day that He gives me and cherish every moment.  I have my husband by my side and our Father guiding us through everyday.  
This summer has definitely made my faith so much stronger than it ever has been.  I have thanked Him everyday for my wonderful, supportive, loving friends and family.  Because without them, that pit would have come up a lot faster than what it has.  It would have swallowed me whole, but I've been able to stop it, and I will continue to stop it.

"Spark"~Tori Amos

Today was another day of being stuffy.  My fall allergies have officially kicked in, but it is worse than it ever has been.  So the stuffy sinuses I can handle, same with the scratchy itchy eyes & throat, but I've got the most awful pain in my ears especially the right side.  The pressure is unbearable and making me walk so off balance.  To top it off, sneezing sucks! My kids think it is funny when I start sneezing multiple times because by sneeze three I'm to the floor.  haha.  I have to say at this point I find humor in it too.  Its like that commercial "How many licks does it take to get to the center of Tootsie Pop?"  Mine would be "How many sneezes does it take to take me to the floor?"
On another note, today I went and saw a psychiatrist today.  He was very perceptive to what was going on with me.  I finally broke down to see a psychiatrist because I've had depression before, and I really don't want to go back to that dark place.  The anxiety and panic attacks get the best of me sometimes.  I also have been having issues with learning to adjust to the new me.  I try to look at the good in everything.  I try to stay optimistic, but its very difficult some days.  Those days when it seems like everything that can go wrong does.  You are clumsy and tripping over stuff, dropping things, forgetting everything.  I just get really down on those days and I don't want it to get any worse.  I've accepted this as my new life, but the adjustments are so hard sometimes.  They are overwhelming and frustrating, so my psychiatrist is going to try and help me out with adjusting and controlling my emotions which can be all over the place.
I want to finish off today by talking straight to other MdDSers and say that this syndrome stinks.  No one truly understands what you are going through except for other MdDSers.  But I must say, everyday you need to look and find at least one positive thing that happened that day.  Keep your head up (even if it is bobbing & weaving all over the place).  I'm excited to read others trying to continuing living their life.  That's all we can do.  Continue to travel, go to theme parks, go camping, go to our son's or daughter's wedding, trying to work, or get back to doing our favorite hobbies such as reading or writing...even if this scares the mess out of us, we at least TRY.  All we can do is TRY, and for some we succeed, and for others we learn not to do it again.  The one thing we have in common besides the MdDS, is the enormous support for one another.  So thank you for all the support for my blog and I send my support for your future endeavors as well.

"Boots Are Made For Walking"~Nancy Sinatra

Here is the second blog for today...and this one is about shoes.  I've never been a shoe person...that would be my sister, the fashionista of the family, but because of my MdDS I'm looking at all kinds of shoes that I would typically not wear.  
I'm a flip-flop person in the spring & summer and tennis shoes in the fall & winter.  Since I was diagnosed, I've worn nothing but flip-flops.  I've actually worn through 2 pairs of flips flops this summer.  I like the flips because the soles are thin and I can feel the ground much better.  It helps me adjust to the floors, grounds, & sidewalks.  Now wearing flips everyday has made my ankles & heels hurt so much because of the lack of support.  
Now its fall and I need warmer shoes.  I've tried wearing my tennis shoes through the summer and can't walk in them.  I feel like I'm walking on a moon bounce.  Needless to say I immediately start to fall over or walk like a drunk in sneakers.  
So I started reading our support groups and many people had ideas for shoes.  Some said to try the "Shape-Ups®" and others said to try a type of Moccasin®.  So I tried on a few different shoes and I'm still looking.  The toner shoes did not help me at all.  They made me feel so much worse...but more power to those who can manage it!  The Moccasins were really comfortable and I'm definitely going to invest in some of those.  I also found a great pair of Champion® shoes that have a very thin sole.  They aren't the greatest for ankle support, but they definitely helped with my heels and arches.  The soles were as thin as a flip flop but they were still really comfortable.  They were also very lightweight so I didn't feel like I was wearing weights on my feet.  
I already owned a pair of Nike® shoes and also Reebok®.  I loved these shoes, but unfortunately the types I have are either too heavy or the soles are too thick.  So they go to the bottom of the closet and if my symptoms go away, the shoes will come back out.  
I'm going to continue shopping for them and as I try them out I will let you know if I find anymore.   
If you know of a type of shoe to try let me know!  I'll be glad to go check them out and let you know how it goes :-)  

"Be Our Guest"~Beauty & The Beast

Today I'm writing two blogs, at the same time.  Talk about multi-tasking...woo hoo! hahah

The first one is about cooking...again.  Cooking is one of the most dangerous tasks someone with MdDS can do because of the fact that cooking is dangerous for even a normal person.  Cutting, chopping, hot stoves, pots and boiling liquids.  The reason I'm writing about this again is because I've received questions on the types of things I use in the kitchen to help me on days when I don't trust my knife skills.  Here are the items that I will use:

 Pampered Chef® Mandolin, The Onion Chop®, Pampered Chef® Food Chopper, 

Pampered Chef® Cutting Board, and an egg slicer

Ok, so first off let me say, yes, I know its a lot of Pampered Chef.  Years ago I sold it, so I still have my items, but I've also used other brands and they work just fine, except the mandolin.  The mandolin is specially made through Pampered Chef for a chef's protection.  There is no where for you to cut yourself!  The blades stay locked away unless you take the slide down to the end and it only pops out for that second.  Your fingers are completely protected.  Even my kids were able to use it at ages 3 &4.  So I really do suggest their mandolin.

Second is The Onion Chop.  I saw this on TV one day years ago, and picked on up at an "As Seen On TV" store, but I've seen them at Target®, Walmart®, and most drug stores.  There are two types of blades that can be used.  One is a minced size and the other is a chopped size.  You can use this not only for onions, but for most veggies.  Again, so easy my kids can use it.  The downside to this is that is not very easy to clean.  It does take some patience, so soak it right after you are done with it. 

Next we have the food chopper and the egg slicer.  These items are awesome!  You can use them for anything!  The food chopper can chop pieces of cooked beef, pork or chicken up for BBQ sandwiches or soups.  You can also use the chopper for chopping up chocolates, candies and nuts. So the slicer is one of my favorites!  I use this for not only eggs, but strawberries, tomatoes and cucumbers.  The trick with slicer is to get one with wired clutters.  If you look at the top of my slicer its metal, and the rest is plastic.  Now you can't get one of the cheaper products where the plastic is not a strong plastic.  If you get a cheaper version, it will break or will cause more problems than be helpful.

Last we have the cutting board.  I bought this one again through Pampered Chef®.  The reason why I love this cutting board is because the edges are made of a rubber material.  This material helps with sliding issues.  The rubber helps it stay in place, but it also has a measure ruler on it that helps with cutting perfect slices.  Now if you can't find a cutting board like this, then you can use a rubber shelf liner under your cutting boards.  They grip the board to your counter so it won't move on you.

So another tip I have for you is to get a stool.  I have one that I have cut down the legs so that I don't have to "hop" up onto.  I can just sit right down, but its high enough that I can still reach my counter tops.   Also pizza cutters are great to use.  Its a way to cut with your hand away from the blades.  

Hope these tips help you out! 

 

"Sailing"~*NSYNC

Appropriate song for the last two days.  I've been at a 8-9 yesterday and today, and having a migraine on top of it isn't helping. 
I know that I've mentioned numbers before and here's why.  So with MdDS there is a symptom severity scale.  Most MdDS patients rate their days to show improvement or unfortunately worsening of symptoms. Here is a link so you can read: MdDS Scale.  The scale is provided by the MdDS Foundation.  So today is a day that my symptoms are at their worst.   Every patient prays for a 0 day or even a 1-2 day, but I've been praying for a 6 kinda day.  
So how to cope with a 8-9 day.  First of all, any day with this syndrome is a fight, its a struggle, and its a learning process.  So here's how I've coped.  I stuck to my every day routine.  I woke up, got ready for the day and made breakfast.  However breakfast today was Pop-Tarts & fruit that I cut up earlier in the week.  Seth wanted to take his lunch, so we made ham & cheese roll ups.  I didn't trust myself with any knife work this morning.  We also went easy route of fruit cup, juice box & cookie.  No cutting, no pouring.  After I took him to school, I rested all day.  I even took some of my meds, which I have steered away from.  I'm not a pill taker.  I hate meds with a passion, but today was a pill kind of day.  After picking up kids from school, I came home a rested more.  By dinner time I was able to use some of my more sturdy knives to cut sweet potato fries but I left it at that.  Those fries went along side some chicken nuggets and again more fruit.  I didn't want to mess with the stove so everything was in the oven.  I stay away from the stove on bad days for fear of getting too dizzy and something burning or catching fire and me not being able to fix the problem.  Oven foods work great because you can put it in and go sit at a table for at least 20 minutes before its time to take food out.  If I'm not using the oven, it would be the microwave or the crock-pot.  I have go-to meals for the crock pot that are easy for bad days.  And for those days that I really am not up for anything, we call that Cereal Night!!!! Yay!! haha.
I've gone back to my tricks of crawling up the stairs and sliding down them today as well.  I have only gotten up when necessary.
So tonight I go to bed, again taking a Valium to help with my anxiety and the motion of the ocean.  Hopefully tomorrow will go down to 6...fingers crossed !X!X!X

"The Catalyst"~Linkin Park

So like I've explained before, MdDS has made me have to re-learn how to do normal everyday activities.  This includes housework.  Housework has been one of the toughest to overcome.  Josh has been working very long hours so I try to do as much as I can during the day and week so he doesn't have to worry about that as well as everything else.  So I have finally mastered laundry.  It sounds so simple, but believe me, the bending over and standing up is a pain and makes symptoms worse.  Not to mention standing on your feet for a long time.  I've included pictures so you can see exactly what my system is.  

So first of all, here is my laundry room.  I have a top loader washer and front load dryer.  In between the two machines is a two draw bin.  The top drawer has hangers for the kids clothes and the bottom is for adult clothes.  On top of this bin is our laundry detergent (I get the big buckets from Sam's or Costco, unless I find cheaper in another store).  All of my other detergents, bleach, stain removers and dryer sheets are on top of the dryer.  There is an old detergent bin behind my soap for trash (lint, etc.)  I have different baskets for different items.  This basket shown is for towels.  I have 3 other baskets for whites, lights, and darks.  I try to sort clothes as people take them off.  This takes away from work later.  Most of my baskets are tall, but my towel basket is shorter (and has wheels so I can push it around since its the heaviest of baskets).  This system works for me because everything is at my height level so it makes for less bending over.  Also, as I've suggested for other MdDSers, using a long reach grabber will help get the clothes out of the bottom of the washer as well.  If you have a front loader washer & dryer then use a stool so you can sit and just grab and toss from one to the other.  It can help too.


Secondly, I love to reuse these detergent buckets for all kinds of stuff.  My favorite use it to lift up baskets that are short to bring them up higher.  Its not too much to lift it up on top of the bucket and then toss from basket to machine.  Also if Lily wants to help, she'll use it as a stool to stand on so she can reach inside the washer.  




Now, if you look at the picture above, you'll see a pile of laundry on the door to the dryer.  I will do all reaching into the washer and put everything on the door until the washer is empty, and then push everything into the dryer.  This makes its so I'm not bending to grab clothes, standing up and then bending to throw them in the dryer. 

Now as far as hanging up goes.  I'll take and sort the clothes, mine & Josh's and then Seth & Lily's.  I'll fold all the clothes as I go through and then I'll hang later.  I do this all either on the couch or on my bed so I'm not standing too much.  I'll grab a bin of hangers and hang the clothes up together.  The kids are responsible to put their folded clothes away and I hang the clothes in their closets or Josh will help me with it if I'm too worn out.

My laundry gets done throughout the week so I'm not loaded down with it, however there goes periods where it may not get hung up or folded right after because of symptoms being bad, so I do have to do some ironing, which I don't mind either. 

I hope this helps.  Anyone else have any good tips?