This is my 60th post to date! I started this blog to help cope with being diagnosed with MdDS, but it has turned into so much more than that for me. Its been an outlet, a release and has helped me to see so much more of myself. I have spent the last few days going back and reading from the beginning. So much as changed, so much has stayed the same. It has helped me to find myself again at a time when I thought I was lost.
Through this process many of you have been encouraging, helpful and supportive. Whether you are a fellow MdDSer, a friend, family, a physician, or you know someone who has this disorder, your words have been an inspiration to me.
I started this to help myself, but I've found that I help many. Whether they suffer as I do, or with their own issues, or they are looking for understanding, somehow I've helped and that fills my heart. I never thought I would be able to up keep the blog, but I've done it. There have been spaces between posts due to bad timing, but I strive to write as much as I possibly can. I do this to show that I can push through anything MdDS gives me and surpass my goals.
My goals have become bigger. I can walk normal for the most part. I can cook meals again. I can clean. I can take a bubble bath. I can take care of my kids and then some. Now I move on to the harder aspects of life. I want to drive again, to work again, to swim this summer. I want to be able to look at the summer night sky and watch the meteor shower without falling over immediately. Sounds silly I know, but these things are very daunting tasks at the moment. And these are just a few of the tasks I want to get a handle on again. I've learned to work around these tasks, but I want to be able to actually do them.
I still rock while standing. I still use walls to walk down hallways. I move slow some days. I have days that I can dance around a little bit, but I listen to music everyday.
My music has gotten me through a lot in life, and its appropriate that it does help me through my MdDS. I've been able to use songs to show people how much I love them. My family has laughed to songs as we all dance together in the car. There are times of the day when I feel down and send a text to my sister with a line of the song and by the end of our conversation we have had our own duet of the song via our phones. Music hits every part of my family. It brings back memories to us. It makes us laugh. Some songs might hit our hearts hard and cry.
My little niece comes to me and says "Oh yea yea Sawa" (Locked Out of Heaven~Bruno Mars). My daughter comes and says "Play baby you're a firework" ("Firework"~Katie Perry). My son knows all the words to "Party Rock" by LMFAO. My husband has been listening to "Madness" by Muse and "Thrift Store" by Macklemore. My sister and I have an entire choreographed dance to "MMMBop" by Hansen that we made up at little girls and still remember all the steps. When we hear "What is Love" by Haddaway, my sister and I smoosh my mom and go all Night of the Roxbury on her. My brother knows all the words to "Defying Gravity" from the Soundtrack of the Broadway show Wicked which we have screamed driving down Croatan Hwy in Nags Head. If I hear a Tom Petty Song, I am reminded of my friend Ed, "Stand Up" brings me back to my first talent show with my big sis Sarah, Tim McGraw and I'm thinking of Drea. I've used songs in replace of words that I couldn't express how I felt as I said good bye to good friends.
I can't be in a car without music on, I can't be in an empty room quiet (unless I'm reading) so music has always kept me company. I can't sing, but the way I sing songs you would think I didn't know that...haha. I've always had my heart in music and to see my kids fall in love with it too makes me feel good.
Music teaches us so much, its cathartic and it helps with pain, encourages happiness, makes you feel stronger. Its made me stronger everyday that I've had MdDS, and it will continue to help me push through and meet my goals to be symptom free.
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