So we had our annual trip to Nags Head starting this past Saturday. It was AMAZING! I was able to get out into the water and actually swim around in the water. Now granted the water was really flat & there was no undertoe at all, but I was out with waves and was not triggered at all.
It was a much need vacation to have with my family. Just to get away with them for a few days felt great! I was so proud of my kids to get out in the water. My son was doing really well with boarding on his own and my Lilybug was out swimming on her own as well (with an adult close by).
I've looked back on these last few symptom free months and I'm so happy with all that I've done. I've done a ton of things that most people take for granted, but for me they are huge accomplishments.
I promised myself that I wouldn't live in fear of what tomorrow, or even this afternoon would bring. I look to each day as my first & possibly last day of symptom free days and live it to the fullest. Am I scared that I'll trigger my MdDS, well yes, but I can't live in that fear. I can't see my kids saddened because mommy doesn't want to try to do something. Besides, how can I teach them to face their fears if I don't do it as well.
I've had so many great things happen that I can't see myself backing down again. So I started working more hours (soon to be full time), I've ridden a couple of roller coasters, driven many a miles on my own and with company, walked many flights of stairs, ran races with my Girl Scouts, gone camping with said scouts, started decorating cakes again, read more & more books, and now swam in the ocean. I didn't get a chance to actually go boarding due to the surf not being strong enough, but the summer isn't over and I only live a few minutes away from the beach, so hopefully I'll get there before it gets too cold.
My amazing husband keeps me going forward and not looking back. He stays encouraging and supportive through every task that I accomplish. He's there to give me high fives on even the most smallest of challenges (riding in an elevator without falling over, climbing a flight of stairs without tripping, watching flashing or moving lights in a movie or on tv without having to close my eyes)
This has been an amazing journey and I'm so fortunate and lucky to keep moving forward with my everyday tasks. I only hope that more MdDSers will get to feel this way one day.
Friday, August 22, 2014
Monday, August 11, 2014
"So Far Away"~Staind
Life has changed....I know that it is ever-changing, but for me its been almost a huge dramatic change. These last few years I have learned more about myself than I ever thought possible. What I once dreamed of has come true. I look at today in new light and I'm so grateful for it.
One of my favorite authors posted on Facebook "What is one thing that you take for granted? We try our hardest not to do this, but we all are guilty of it."
I had to think about this long and hard. Ever since I went into remission, I promised myself not to take anything for granted anymore because it could all be gone again in an instant. Every morning I wake up and go to work. Most people dread Mondays, but I no longer do. Even on my stressful days at work, I accept it with open arms, because for over a year I couldn't work. I couldn't support my family financially in any way. Honestly, our family struggled and it was very difficult at some points, scary even. Now I can wake up and go to work. I am now working full days four days a week and a half day on Saturdays. And I love it. I'm happy at my job. I'm where I'm supposed to be. Every day I get to get in my car and drive. I drive to and from work for myself & my husband. I spend time jamming out to music again, even if my kids can't stand my singing, and on a good day they join me. I come home to a husband who loves me more & more everyday. Our marriage is strong, our faith in each other even stronger, and the love is immeasurable. Every night I get to walk up a flight of stairs to tuck my kids in their beds. I get to bend over and hug them both. I get to hold them and only let them go when I'm ready to. I love my showers I get to take without any help from anyone. I'm back to doing what I love to do for and with my family. Traffic sucks, but getting to Busch Gardens to ride rides with my kids is amazing. Making plans for my Girl Scouts is hard, but to see their faces when we get to hang out is so much fun. I'm dancing again. I'm moving again.
I try to find joy in even the smallest of tasks because I wasn't able to do any of this for a very long time. I'm grateful for being able to get up everyday. Literally get up and move. To take for granted anything that I have been blessed with is unacceptable.
My family gave me strength and courage and continue to do so. I've made it so much farther than I ever thought possible. They kept their faith and hope that one day I would be back to the Sara they always knew, however I'm never going to be her again. Yes, I'm back to being outgoing, funny, loving, caring, but I'm never going to be the girl who kept going through life day by day any longer. I'm never going to take what I have been given for granted again. I'm tougher, stronger than I ever was before. I try to smile more. I try to take the time to be happy with my life.
I was given a crazy journey to go through life, but I'm so happy I went through it. It made me a better person. I have more strength in my faith, my happiness and most of all in myself. I had to face this journey for a reason, and I feel that I'm going to continue on the right path of this journey.
"This is my life, It's not what was before, All these feelings I've shared, These are my dreams, But I've never lived before, somebody shake me cause I, I must be sleeping, And now that we're here so far away, All the struggle we fought wasn't in vain, And all the mistakes that one life can take, they all finally start to go away, and now that we're here so far away and I feel like I can face the day, And I can't believe that I'm not ashamed of the person that I am today, These are my words, I've never said before, I think I'm doing okay..."
One of my favorite authors posted on Facebook "What is one thing that you take for granted? We try our hardest not to do this, but we all are guilty of it."
I had to think about this long and hard. Ever since I went into remission, I promised myself not to take anything for granted anymore because it could all be gone again in an instant. Every morning I wake up and go to work. Most people dread Mondays, but I no longer do. Even on my stressful days at work, I accept it with open arms, because for over a year I couldn't work. I couldn't support my family financially in any way. Honestly, our family struggled and it was very difficult at some points, scary even. Now I can wake up and go to work. I am now working full days four days a week and a half day on Saturdays. And I love it. I'm happy at my job. I'm where I'm supposed to be. Every day I get to get in my car and drive. I drive to and from work for myself & my husband. I spend time jamming out to music again, even if my kids can't stand my singing, and on a good day they join me. I come home to a husband who loves me more & more everyday. Our marriage is strong, our faith in each other even stronger, and the love is immeasurable. Every night I get to walk up a flight of stairs to tuck my kids in their beds. I get to bend over and hug them both. I get to hold them and only let them go when I'm ready to. I love my showers I get to take without any help from anyone. I'm back to doing what I love to do for and with my family. Traffic sucks, but getting to Busch Gardens to ride rides with my kids is amazing. Making plans for my Girl Scouts is hard, but to see their faces when we get to hang out is so much fun. I'm dancing again. I'm moving again.
I try to find joy in even the smallest of tasks because I wasn't able to do any of this for a very long time. I'm grateful for being able to get up everyday. Literally get up and move. To take for granted anything that I have been blessed with is unacceptable.
My family gave me strength and courage and continue to do so. I've made it so much farther than I ever thought possible. They kept their faith and hope that one day I would be back to the Sara they always knew, however I'm never going to be her again. Yes, I'm back to being outgoing, funny, loving, caring, but I'm never going to be the girl who kept going through life day by day any longer. I'm never going to take what I have been given for granted again. I'm tougher, stronger than I ever was before. I try to smile more. I try to take the time to be happy with my life.
I was given a crazy journey to go through life, but I'm so happy I went through it. It made me a better person. I have more strength in my faith, my happiness and most of all in myself. I had to face this journey for a reason, and I feel that I'm going to continue on the right path of this journey.
"This is my life, It's not what was before, All these feelings I've shared, These are my dreams, But I've never lived before, somebody shake me cause I, I must be sleeping, And now that we're here so far away, All the struggle we fought wasn't in vain, And all the mistakes that one life can take, they all finally start to go away, and now that we're here so far away and I feel like I can face the day, And I can't believe that I'm not ashamed of the person that I am today, These are my words, I've never said before, I think I'm doing okay..."
Monday, August 4, 2014
"Riverside"~ Agnes Obel
HOLY COW!!! Tons to catch up on! I'm going on three full months 100% symptom free! No rocking, shifting, motion in my own ocean. No headaches, ear pressure, ear pain. No dizzy, falling, fainting. NOTHING!!! It has been an amazing feeling that I pray all my fellow MdDSers feel one day very soon.
I made a deal with myself that as long as I felt good, I wouldn't live in fear that it would come back. In the last three months, I have walked numerous miles, driven even more. I've extended my work hours to the point were I'm just one day shy of working a full work week. I've gone swimming in a pool. I've gone to the movies. And the ultimate....riding Apollo's Chariot at Busch Gardens!!! I was an avid roller coaster rider before all this happened and I'm pleased to say I came off that ride, balance still in check!
It has been an amazing journey with so much more to come! The family and I are going on our annual cottage trip in two weeks, so I plan to get out in the water and even go boogie boarding again. I cannot wait. This time last year the water made me so nervous. I was able to get in for just a few minutes with my baby brother holding me tightly so I wouldn't lose it. This year I'm going all in.
I've always known that life is too short. Changes happen too quickly and to experience life every day is a gift. This experience has proven that. I wouldn't not change these last two years for anything. Yes, having this horrible disorder was no picnic in the park. It was stressful, discouraging, debilitating, but it was also a learning experience that I will never forget.
I have come out on top, stronger than ever. My marriage is stronger, the love for my kids has grown exponentially, my friendships even more powerful, and my family even more cherished. Even more so, my faith has grown to new levels. The power of prayer and persistence in knowing that God has pulled me out of that dark world. I always knew I was in His hands, but I know it even more. All the little things that I took for granted that He gave me, are even more so cherished.
I look back and realize that with these last two years, although stuck at home from working or doing much of anything, gave me time that I never had before. I was able to spend time with my daughter before she started her first year of school. I was able to bond with my niece as I watched her at my home, helping and teaching her to grow into a beautiful little girl. I was able to be home and help take care of my grandfather after he recovered from heart surgery. I was able to become a leader to my daughter's Girl Scout troop and bonded with 20 other little girls and many more bigger girls who have all taken a place in my heart. I've tapped into writing again, and love going back to read all of what I have accomplished.
I don't complain about having to go back upstairs because I forgot some, because now it is no longer a struggle. I'm not crawling up them anymore, well, unless I'm playing around with my kids. I love to go shopping and don't mind running into a grocery store, because there is no fear for lights, tiles, people.
For those still struggling with this disorder, the advice that I can pass along is to stay strong. Have faith that someday it may leave you. And if it doesn't cherish the little accomplishments that you do everyday. You got out of bed today and moved to the couch. You could brush your teeth without having to grip the counter. You were able to wash 4 plates, 2 bowls and 5 cups. You read one article of a newspaper. You pushed yourself to tuck your kids into bed tonight. You were able to sit and put your shoes on and walk to the end of the block, so what if you looked drunk while you did it. Its those little things that help you stay positive and sane. And the biggest thing that helped me....laughter. I laughed at myself multiple times and didn't get offended that people laughed at me.
I'll continue to write, but as time keeps slipping by me, it won't be as often as the beginning (as you can tell).
Much Love, Sara
I made a deal with myself that as long as I felt good, I wouldn't live in fear that it would come back. In the last three months, I have walked numerous miles, driven even more. I've extended my work hours to the point were I'm just one day shy of working a full work week. I've gone swimming in a pool. I've gone to the movies. And the ultimate....riding Apollo's Chariot at Busch Gardens!!! I was an avid roller coaster rider before all this happened and I'm pleased to say I came off that ride, balance still in check!
It has been an amazing journey with so much more to come! The family and I are going on our annual cottage trip in two weeks, so I plan to get out in the water and even go boogie boarding again. I cannot wait. This time last year the water made me so nervous. I was able to get in for just a few minutes with my baby brother holding me tightly so I wouldn't lose it. This year I'm going all in.
I've always known that life is too short. Changes happen too quickly and to experience life every day is a gift. This experience has proven that. I wouldn't not change these last two years for anything. Yes, having this horrible disorder was no picnic in the park. It was stressful, discouraging, debilitating, but it was also a learning experience that I will never forget.
I have come out on top, stronger than ever. My marriage is stronger, the love for my kids has grown exponentially, my friendships even more powerful, and my family even more cherished. Even more so, my faith has grown to new levels. The power of prayer and persistence in knowing that God has pulled me out of that dark world. I always knew I was in His hands, but I know it even more. All the little things that I took for granted that He gave me, are even more so cherished.
I look back and realize that with these last two years, although stuck at home from working or doing much of anything, gave me time that I never had before. I was able to spend time with my daughter before she started her first year of school. I was able to bond with my niece as I watched her at my home, helping and teaching her to grow into a beautiful little girl. I was able to be home and help take care of my grandfather after he recovered from heart surgery. I was able to become a leader to my daughter's Girl Scout troop and bonded with 20 other little girls and many more bigger girls who have all taken a place in my heart. I've tapped into writing again, and love going back to read all of what I have accomplished.
I don't complain about having to go back upstairs because I forgot some, because now it is no longer a struggle. I'm not crawling up them anymore, well, unless I'm playing around with my kids. I love to go shopping and don't mind running into a grocery store, because there is no fear for lights, tiles, people.
For those still struggling with this disorder, the advice that I can pass along is to stay strong. Have faith that someday it may leave you. And if it doesn't cherish the little accomplishments that you do everyday. You got out of bed today and moved to the couch. You could brush your teeth without having to grip the counter. You were able to wash 4 plates, 2 bowls and 5 cups. You read one article of a newspaper. You pushed yourself to tuck your kids into bed tonight. You were able to sit and put your shoes on and walk to the end of the block, so what if you looked drunk while you did it. Its those little things that help you stay positive and sane. And the biggest thing that helped me....laughter. I laughed at myself multiple times and didn't get offended that people laughed at me.
I'll continue to write, but as time keeps slipping by me, it won't be as often as the beginning (as you can tell).
Much Love, Sara
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