Over the weekend I decided that I would put more attention towards my husband because all last week he was by my side doing everything and anything I needed. It crushes your pride when you go to give yourself a shower and before you know it, you are on the floor and can't get up on your own. I had to call Josh in to help me last week and help me get up, get showered and then get dressed. I felt like an invalid. I'm 29 years old and I feel like I'm much older. Not that my husband doesn't try to make me feel at ease about it, he never complains, never huffs or gives attitude, he just does what needs to be done without me feeling worse about myself. He let me have my time to cry in the shower when I felt helpless. He found my special towels, lotions and pajamas. He brought me my meds, drink and made sure I was okay for bed. This wasn't the first time he's done this for me. I feel miserable when it happens. I hate it with a passion and of course when you get emotional, the symptoms worsen. All week he helped when I needed it, even if I didn't say anything.
As the week went on I started to feel more like myself. By Friday I was feeling much better and even laughing again. My kids went to spend the night with my in-laws and even though I knew we really couldn't afford it, I asked my husband to go out to dinner. We hadn't had a date night in a really long time. I think we even forgot what those were, but we went out. We decided on Wasabi which is a hibachi grill place. (Obviously, I didn't think this through.) When we sat down and did think it through, before we even ordered, my husband says "We can leave, its okay." "No," I said, "I want to stay, I want dinner with you." We had a relaxing morning and hung out with my mom and niece and then went to a hockey game with my kids & brother & sister-in-law.
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| "Pink in the Rink" with my number one supporter and my music |
I've been looking forward to this night hockey, its my favorite of the entire season. Norfolk Admirals has a night called "Pink in the Rink." on this night everyone dresses pink, the turn the ice pink and they raise money for Susan G. Komen Tidewater Chapter. This night is special to me because I have wonderful women in my family who have battled cancer. The downside...its hockey-meaning trying to follow 10 players back and forth on ice, trying to follow a puck, all while sitting in a mass crowd elevated above the ground. I've always loved hockey games, but they've gotten worse and my MdDS has been around. I've learned some tricks though. I, of course, have my music. I learned that I cannot sit at the highest level, the middle level is best. I also make sure to get up in between periods and rock or move however I need to. I focus on the game, but if I can't watch then I talk to those around me. Looking at one person vs. every thing else helps. It was a lot of fun to get out and just be a "normal" person for once.
Sunday rolls around and things were still good for me. I spent some time snuggling with my husband, did some laundry and then had family dinner at my sister's house. All-in-all a great weekend. But, I also discovered something, maybe not discovered, maybe just realized how lucky I truly am. I have this amazing person who all last week and this weekend was there the entire time. Through good and bad, happy or sad, sick or well, Josh was with me. My partner, my best friend. I have to keep remembering that he didn't ask for me to get sick, he didn't want this and he doesn't want this for me. He wants me better too. I know in his heart he wants the marriage that we looked forward to, like traveling with our kiddos, planning monthly dates and getaways, a marriage where we were financially comfortable and every day life was good. I want that marriage too, but if this weekend was any indication, we still have that marriage, we just need to adjust a little, and if we lose everything, we still have our marriage and our kids and our family. I'm a lucky girl, even if I am on a permanent cruise.
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