"Safe and Sound"~Taylor Swift w/ Civil Wars

I know its been awhile since I've written on here, so I have some catching up to do.  
The holidays were really tough.  I definitely pushed myself beyond a breaking point.  I know now not to do to much, and I also need to learn to say no to myself.  I can't do everything.  I couldn't do everything even before MdDS.  Christmas was great.  The kids had a wonderful time and so did myself & my husband.  It was leading up to Christmas that was when I pushed too hard.  I've learned my boundaries and I've known them for awhile and yet I pushed.  Even after days of relaxation, I still ended up having an emotional breakdown.  A breakdown that even to this day scares me.  I never want to feel that out of control again.  I've learned from it though and plan to move on and grow from it.  I'm never going to push myself that hard again.  
The New Year holiday was tough as well, but not because of MdDS but because I lost a great friend.   My boss from NSA passed away, but she was more than a boss to me.  She was part of my family.  I was honored by my girls from the office to be chosen to speak for the group the day of her funeral.  The anxiety from all of the emotions swirling were horrible, but I had to do this for myself, for Janet.  I loved her, we all did.  I was proud of myself for being able to stand up and speak about her and what she meant to us, but that night I couldn't get out of bed.  I couldn't rest my head enough even with my meds.  
Yesterday and today have been really tough to be able to get moving.  I'm not sleeping very well and the sleep that I do get is very light.  It drains me.  It frustrates me.  I was to a point that I could take showers on my own without anyone home, but that's changed again.  I'm back to waiting for someone to be here with me.  I can't move around the house too much because my boat is out at sea right now and it sucks with a capital S.
So here I am, I am pushing forward, because I dare not go backward.  I've found my inner strength though and I have been able to take my son to scouts last night and tonight its off to girl scouts with Lily. Its that inner strength that I never knew I had until last year.  
I'm going to continue to write, it may be frequent, it may be sporadic, but I'm going to write because its a good outlet for me.