These last few days have sucked! I have felt miserable. I've put on a brave face, but its been extremely hard, and last night I really started to crack. I've been taking my Valium at night more often than I have in a long time. My insomnia has kicked back in so hard. I've also started getting severe joint pain. The last time I hurt this bad was in the very beginning of my MdDS.
Emotional I'm tense. Every little thing aggravates me. I have been trying my eyes closed counting, but I'm tense. I'm snappy towards my kids and I don't want to be. I've even snapped at my husband. When he asked me what was wrong, but I just broke down in tears.
I don't know if this is from lack of sleep, hormones, or the valium that is screwing with my head. The Valium is supposed to calm me enough so that I can sleep, but it hasn't been helping. I've been sleeping in 1-2 hour increments. Its frustrating.
My house is a wreck. I'm supposed to be getting ready for Christmas. I have a living room & dining room full of packages that I need to wrap and all I do is look at them with frustration because I haven't even been home to touch anything. I feel like I do nothing but dishes all the time, yet anytime I need a friggin fork there are no clean ones! Who gets mad over a dirty fork! Seriously! I have baskets of laundry that have been clean for weeks and yet they aren't folded or hung up and after I use up all my energy to move things from the washer to dryer, I don't have energy to fold & hang. So the baskets sit there, and then they get dug through because people need clean clothes and then they end up all over the floor out of the baskets. I had a good system going with my laundry, but lately I've had no energy to do anything. I clean one bathroom and I'm done for the day.
I hate feeling like this. I would love to have one "normal" day, hell at this point I'll go for one low-on-the-scale kinda days! There is so much to be done, and no time at all for any of it.
My goal for this week will be to get at least the laundry finished, presents wrapped, and all the dishes done before I head to Richmond this weekend. I hope I even make it to Richmond, but that's a different story.
So now I'm off to bed with another Valium in my system hoping for some rest. Good Night all!
Feel your pain. Trying to cope. I get it. Same here. Experienced the socially isolating effects of this. Friend asked me to travel with her. After giving her more info than she could handle, I finally said, no, I don't want to share my misery. It's a fine line between a brave face and reality. Friend says I put on a FEARLESS face. Don't know if that's good or bad. I just don't tell people I feel like shit most of the time because it's a downer.
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