"Eyes Wide Open"~Gotye

I'll first start by saying my vision is horrible.  Actually horrible isn't a strong enough adjective to describe it.  I've had to wear glasses since I was 6 years old, moved to contacts at the age of 14 for my near-sightedness.  At the age of 11 or 12 my optometrist told me that around the age of 30 or so I would need bifocal lenses.  He knew this my the degeneration of my eyes and knew that at some point I would be forced to need the additional help.  At the age of 25 my eyes were so bad that I wasn't even a candidate for corrective surgery as I would still have to wear contacts/glasses afterward because they wouldn't be able to completely correct the problem.  That all being said, I absolutely HATE wearing my glasses.  I actually avoid it at all costs, which isn't good for my eyes, but, seriously, HATE wearing the stupid things.  Besides when I wear my glasses it throws my MdDS symptoms into high gear.  I actually see much better with my contacts. 

Ok, so now the point of my post for today.  This morning I had my annual eye check.  Now mind you I have seen the same lady now for the last two years and never had any problems.  In fact, last year she found the perfect brand of contacts for me that made my eyes feel so much better.  However, she wasn't in today and there was a fill-in doc.  We shall call her Dr. Witch.  Now, I haven't had any problems with focusing near or far away this last year.   My eyes actually have not been bothering me nearly as much as they have in the past. 

Well, Dr. Witch starts her exam and before she has me do anything she checks my eyes and says that it looks like my eyes have been strained.  I explain to her that I have been doing more reading on computers recently, haven't been wearing my glasses like I should and I know this doesn't help the strain.  She starts having me do the typical read this line, what about that line, which is better one or two, etc.  So far I'm good.  Then she says okay close your eyes, she flips some switch on the the machine and then tells me to open my eyes.  When I do there are two letters, but set as double vision and the letters are extremely blurry.  I immediately close my eyes and beg her to turn it off.  She explains that she needs to complete this exam to figure out what I need for my prescription.  I try again to open my eyes.  I shut them.  They are moving, shifting, I immediately start rocking.  I've never had this happen before and I beg her again to please take it down and I actually start having an anxiety attack.  She tells me that she thinks I may need bifocals to help with my vision as I'm having issues focusing from one object to another and to complete the exam she needs to do this part.  

I start to explain to her that I have the MdDS issue and that its causing my symptoms to escalate and if she looks in my chart she will see that I have this issue.  I open my eyes again but she hasn't taken it down yet, so I end up pushing the machine away.  At this point I'm sitting in the chair unable to move cause of the rocking and I feel trapped.  I have tears running down my face because I don't know what to do.  She then tells me that I'm in denial for needing the bifocals and that if I would use them it would help with the visual aspect of my MdDS.  I asked her if she's ever heard of the syndrome.  Does she understand what it entails?  Has she had patients who have had this and changing their glasses helped them?  She tells me that she's never heard of it, but if my vision is messing up the way that I'm stating, then changing my glasses will fix it.  I immediately start laughing.  I actually got mad at a doctor, which never happens, and took a deep breath to stop the attack.  I then tell her "Do not take guesses on my care.  If you have never heard of a syndrome how can you assume that your treatment is going to miraculously cure my problem?  Lady, no offense but I've been fighting this disorder for 3 1/2 years.  I've tried different treatments, and worked with different specialists.  I'm not in denial about the bifocal issue as I've known this was part of my future with needing glasses.  If the bifocals will help with the strain of my eyes, I will be glad to try it.  However, since Mr. Ben Franklin invented the bifocals, I'm sure there is another test you can perform that doesn't involve double vision blurry letters.  Thanks."  

Unfortunately, I still needed to have my eyes dilated and checked.  I just tell her to do what she needs to do so I can leave.  Before I go, she explains that they can't trial the bifocal contacts because my eyes are dilated (with dilated eyes, you can't see things close up due to too much light entering the eye).  So now I have to go back in a few weeks to try them to see how they work.  However, it has now been notated that I won't see her again.  

Its frustrating to have the syndrome.  Its worse when doctors tell you you are crazy.  I don't ask docs anymore for help in regards to it.  I'll be glad to explain what it is, but I have a physician who helps me and from there I don't need any other doctor to tell me I'm crazy and that what I'm feeling is not really happening.  So sorry mom, I showed my tail in a doc's office and got ugly.  Highly doubt it was the first time, probably won't be the last.  Hopefully it was though.