In a world of rocking, you feel like you never get a break. Your brain just never shuts down. Its like someone or something is screaming loud and constant. You struggle with so many "easy" daily tasks. Its amazing how we MdDSers don't lose our sanity. And with all of the thoughts running through your brain, you have this stupid brain fog that rolls in and it either slows your thought process down or takes the thoughts away completely and you forget what you were doing, saying, figuring out.
Sometimes I have the little thoughts running loud and the important ones get hidden under the noise. I forget upcoming events, or telling someone an important topic. I tend to interrupt conversations, not that I'm trying to be rude, but if I don't get the idea out it will get lost. I feel like an idiot when I'm in the middle of the conversation, mid sentence and the idea is gone. Just completely disappears. So the other person is just sitting there like "........." Happens all the time! Its so frustrating!
Then for me, I deal with my ears "popping." There are days that my ears have so much pressure and I feel like when people talk to me, they are in a tunnel sometimes. Then my ears will "pop" and it almost sound like someone has snapped their fingers right next to my ear drum. This popping can cause some pain which is not explained. Because of the pressure sometimes I'll talk really loud and not realize it. I'm already a naturally loud person but I definitely get louder and don't realize it until I have someone say to quiet down. If the pressure is too much I tend to be really quiet because the added noise makes my symptoms feel worse.
For me, I can deal with one or two symptoms at a time. I've learned to cope and make adjustments, but you throw numerous symptoms at me at once or they jump up on the scale and its like I just want to shut down. I literally get so tired of fighting and pushing through that the only thing I can do is just crash for the rest of the day.
When I lay down though its like the brain picks up speed and wants you to contemplate everything at once. Its like "Oh we don't have to function the rest of the body right now, so....lets think of the world's problems and how we are to fix all of them." You over think everything. Every decision that you make, every feeling that you feel, it becomes overwhelming.
The point of all of this? I really don't know...haha...no seriously...I have no clue what the point of explaining all of this is because I'm still working on the coping of this particular MdDS problem. I do tend to write more things down. I utilize texting and messaging to send info to friends and family so I can say what I need to right then and there. My phone has become my buddy with its amazing calendar that is backed up to my email so I can't forget appointments, birthdays, etc.
I guess I'll just need to sit here and relax until the fog dissipates and I'll one day get all my thoughts across as I intended originally. One day.....maybe....or maybe I will just eventually go insane and my new best friend will be a padded room....only time will tell.
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