"Brick"~Ben Folds Five

So apparently I need to make some clarifications to my last blog post because of some responses.
First of all it was 2 am, I have not slept in 3 days.  I'm frustrated and pissed.  I'm tired of always putting up a front.  I started this blog to show the good days and the bad and even the worst when it comes to living with MdDS.  I started writing so that I can get my feelings out of my head.  Writing has always been very cathartic for me.  I write better than I talk. 
There are good days where I'm really am fine.  I can dance around and be happy and all is good with the world.
There are bad days that I just push through and make it the best way that I can.
And then there are the worst days.  The days where I am frustrated beyond my limits with everything around me.  I'm in a horrible mood, not very pleasant to be around and I take all of my frustrations out on those who are around me at the time.
Now, if you are a avid reader of my blog you would know exactly how I feel about my family and closest friends.  They are my world.  I couldn't ask for better kids or a better husband.  My mom is my rock and my sister and brother are everything to me. 
I write how I feel, what's in my head whether good or bad.  This doesn't make me a bad person, it makes me human.  My life is far beyond perfect.   I know that no one leads a perfect life.  I know there are others less fortunate than I.  I know that I'm lucky to have what I have and I hold all that closest to my heart. 
I don't write how I feel for people to judge me and who I am.  I write how I feel so that people have a perspective of what's going on in my head. 
I'm tired of fighting everyday.  I'm exhausted from the insomnia.  I'm in pain from the pressure changes.  I'm constantly nauseated because I'm on a damn boat 24/7.  My heart aches for those around me who also have problems of their own and I can't do more to help. 
My strength is melting more and more each day.  I feel alone even though there are many people around me.  This syndrome makes you feel alone, lost, out of control. 
I've always been an independent person, and to have that independence taken from you breaks you on a whole nother level.  I've cried more in the last year than I think I have in my whole life, and thats saying a lot. 
So, I'm sorry for those who didn't understand my last post, but it was the first time that I've written on a worst day.  It was what was in my head.  Its still in my head.  I feel broken, and thats saying a lot for me.