I haven't written in awhile due to my surgery from last week. Recovery was a little harder than I thought. So here's my update:
I was really concerned about going under with my MdDS. When I woke up I felt so nauseated, but the docs were awesome about getting that under control. I really wish I had those kind of drugs for my bad days, let me tell you! It was like instant relief. I slept awhile there in the hospital, but was able to go home okay. However, the first time I stood on my feet the entire room shook. I felt like I was on a boat on "Deadliest Catch". It was horrible! But after walking a bit, I was somewhat okay. My hubby had to walk me to the bathroom and help with getting dressed, but I was good. I came home and slept most of the day.
I wrote last week about having to let go of my job as well which was really tough for me. I loved my job, but this is my plan for now, and so I must follow it.
So this weekend I was feeling way better about everything, but because I felt so wonderful I ended up pushing myself too hard on Saturday. Sunday I tried relaxing and we got to have our first family dinner in a long time with my sister, brother, mom & niece along with my hubby & kids. It was good energy and I felt good when I left there as well.
Here comes Monday. I woke up feeling tired and ended up taking a nap early in the morning. I woke up to "A Baby Story" on TLC. Seeing someone have a baby just made a wave of emotion hit me. It was the first time I really truly grieved over the fact that my husband & I are done having children. For me this is hard because I always wanted a big family. I also loved being pregnant and to never have that feeling of a baby again was devastating to me. About an hour later I had to go out to my job to turn in my security card & termination paperwork. It was official, my job was done. This emotional Monday was destruction to my MdDS (which up until this point had been roughly normal).
Here comes Tuesday. I go to get out of bed to take care of the kids and I feel like I just did a week ago coming out of surgery. My entire room rocking so hard. I started getting dizzy and began to black out. My beautiful dog, Creamer was there when I went down and was there when I woke to her licking my hand. I got up thinking, I just need to eat something. Next came horrible neck & shoulder pain. I persevered and continued getting Seth ready for school. Here comes the dizzy spell and another black out. When I came to this time, I decided that today is going to be just a couch day. Next thing I know my head is KILLING ME! I can't lift my head off of my pillow. I stand up to get my phone and see aura the entire time. All I can do is text my husband....a text that was written like this "I dizzy headache keep blacking out need help please." Josh comes home and takes me to the doctor. Migraine. Great. This is one of the worst migraines I've had since high school and those were debilitating headaches. Rest. I need sleep. So I go home and just sleep all day. The next day my mom-in-law comes to get Lily and takes her to her house and I'm here at home to sleep off the residual headache. I'm miserable.
Here comes Wednesday. Today is much better. I feel almost my "normal" self. Still got my rocking thing going on, but its not too bad. I
I've decided that I'm not going to push myself anymore. I expect to have more bouts of emotions, but I'm going to get through this. I'm going to to claim my new life and keep moving forward. It took me awhile to come back, but I'm here and I'm going to get back into my routine of writing again.
I want to say thanks to all of my followers for all the wonderful messages. They have been very comforting and have definitely given me a lot of strength when I didn't think I had any left.
To my mom, mom-in-law, Tara, Jake, Sharon, Jessica, Sue Ann, and Anna for helping so much these last two weeks.
To my husband who has been my rock through all of this. I know that you have had your feelings about everything as well. It has been a tough road these last few months, but we've pushed through together. We have definitely followed through every portion of our vows to one another these last few months and I'm so happy that you are my partner through it all.
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