Seth & Lily have gotten me to realize that life keeps moving on and every day my little girl and boy are growing way too fast. I'm taking this as God's way of giving me time with them. Lily pushes every button she can, but then turns around and pushes me to be a good mom. This weekend she asked me to ride the "boat ride" (Log Flume) at Busch Gardens. Can I just tell you that even though I put on a brave face, I was completely terrified. I watched the track over and over thinking where I needed to prepare myself. I road with my mom which made it even better. I survived the ride and realized that even if this is the only thing I can ride at BG, at least there is one thing I can do. I was having a really good day that day. The weather was good and the park wasn't crowded which helped.
Seth is an amazing boy who takes everything in stride. He is just as emotional as his momma is, so when I have my breakdowns, he gets it. He's so compassionate. He loves to hold my hand when I need it. He never lets me go by myself, off on my own. He's observant, and so forgiving. He also reminds me a lot of his dad with his sense of humor and intelligent conversations. He is way too smart for a 7 year old. He and I have been working on his Boy Scouts together which has been fun too. I'm getting to know my son all over again on a whole new level, which has made me love him even more, if that was even possible!
Lily has encouraged me to figure out new ways to teach her, which in turn is reprogramming my brain. For example, we worked on coloring in the lines yesterday and after I stopped for a few minutes, I realized I wasn't even coloring in the lines. They just kept moving. So we looked at the pictures and just laughed and she proceeded to throw my words back at me by saying, "It's okay mom. That's art, and its okay to mess up. We just need to keep practicing." So we pulled out another sheet and started again.
She & Seth have both had me start dancing over again. I can't do it for long, but I can break it down for a few minutes before I get too dizzy. For those who know me, this is a HUGE deal! Dancing is my life. I love to goof off on a dance floor...my feeling is "Who cares what people think, just go have fun!" My kids found my old camcorder and started videotaping each other and they have asked me to star in their "show" numerous times. So we've recorded a few times and then would watch it and start laughing together.
I've also worked at making sure my kids are eating healthier. I'm here to feed them breakfast, pack lunches and cook dinner. I'm able to shop for good food for them. That makes me feel so wonderful to see them eating such good food.
My kids are amazing, and even at 7 & 4 they are trying to understand how I'm feeling. They get items for me so I don't have to keep getting up and down. Seth now follows me everywhere if there is tile on the floor.
I am feeling a sense of pride when I watch my children. I lost that pride for awhile because I felt like I wasn't doing well for them. I see now that as I've adjusted, they have too. Children are definitely resilient. Yes, we have our days where they may "forget" or act a little too crazy for mommy, but we get through those moments.
To my children: I love you. You have made me feel such love that I never thought was possible. I will spend everyday on this Earth trying to make you feel proud of who you are and where you come from. I promise to be the best mom that I can be. I want you to know that life is way too short. Have fun and find the humor in life. Experience love for yourself. Know that love is hard, its a fight, its a compromise, but its the best feeling in the world. I am always in your heart. I'll always be your best friend, your most trusted confidant, your support beam, but first and foremost I will be your mom. You may not like what I have to tell you, you may not agree with my opinions as you grow, but know that I will always be honest with you. Just like my mom has always done for me. Tell everyone you know that you love them every day. Just like Nonnie told Yaya and I a long time ago "People will come and go, but you will always have each other, for life. You have a best friend that will be at your side forever." I love you Seth & Lily.
So touching. My children were older when I got MdDS. One gets it and the other denies it. So hard, but I give you so much credit for trying to keep finding ways to share their love. They will grow up to be kind, compassionate people!
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