Wow, what a fast paced couple of days. I definitely was pushed hard this weekend. I actually wore a patch all weekend so that I could spend time and have fun with my family. I was able to spend some great time with my mom & mom-in-law (who also suffers from vertigo). I had such a wonderful time with my family. Lots of laughs and I even tried a few new things. I still can't drive which is started to really get on my nerves, but I guess thats another obstacle I'm going to have to get over.
As you know I've started couponing. I've been working on getting our house situated for that has been a task in itself since I have NO storage space in my house. I woke up early Sunday morning (5:30 am) with my friend who drove us to the store to shop. I did my best shopping there getting $60 worth of groceries for $15 and some change. It was so exhilarating to know that I just came out of there with so much free stuff! Also this is stuff that my family can use. This is going to help us in the long run with financial stability and saving money.
I made the decision that since I was going to be home, I would teach Lily. We have been working on preschool items which is good for me since its easy topics and her mind span is as long as mine is now. MdDS definitely takes away your brain. You are in a constant fog and you tend to forget items. So far each day we learn a new letter & number. We've been working on basic shapes and colors as well as coloring in the lines. Coloring has been the hardest to teach. The lines on the paper move so we had very similar looking papers in the end.
This afternoon Lily suggested that we have a picnic in our backyard since it was so pretty out. She packed our lunch and we headed out with a blanket. It was so much fun. Its been a long time since we had a picnic. I love this time with her. I got a lot of time with Bubba when he was a baby before I started working at NSA because of my schedule with Victoria's Secret, but I've missed a lot of time with Lily. I guess this is God's way of giving me that time with her before she's too grown to hang out with her momma. She talks to me everyday, asking questions and constantly wanting to learn. I love it.
I also made the decision a few days ago to go ahead and have my surgery that my doctor suggested. (Not connected to the MdDS...whole other problem). It was an extremely hard decision to make but again, I'm putting my life in His hands and my heart into my faith to know that I'm making the right choice. I can't live in pain any longer. With the MdDS and the excruciating pain, its just become way to much. So the last Monday of September I'm going for it. I'll be in the hospital for a day and then recovering for about a week. They have me already listed as a fall risk at the hospital and notated my chart that I'll need medication for nausea & vomiting before I even go under the knife.
Life continues to rock & roll, like the continuing waves of the ocean. Some days are flat and calm, some a good boarding days, and then some days are just to dangerous to maneuver around so you stay home. I continue to rock when I try to stand still but its become something that I've become accustomed. Bad nausea days=stay at home and those mornings that I'm not rocking the minute I get out of bed are the days that I push my hardest. Its a live and learn, and that's the important part is I'm learning. I'm pushing through, and I'm making it. No, I can't color in the lines anymore, heck I can't even walk a straight line, but who wants to live their life on the straight & narrow? Yes, it does take me about 3 hours to type my blogs each time because I have to take breaks every few minutes, but I type it. I'm not going to let this take my life. I look in the mirror each day and tell myself, "This is my new life. Today will be a good day. God is my leader, I shall follow Him. My husband is at my side to be the support I need when I fall, to push me from behind when I need it, but most of all he's been my partner every step of the way through this. My family is at my back, to catch me & Josh together. At our wedding, our pastor said to our family and friends, "They will need your help, your love, your support. If you accept this challenge please stand and say 'I do.'" Josh and I turned and everyone who had the ability to stand did, and everyone one said "I do." Brought tears to my eyes then and still does when I think about it. They have been our support, our guides, our confidants, our mentors. And when I've felt alone in this, I turn to my MdDS family on our group sites to talk to people who feel exactly like I do. They are a family to me too because the only people who will fully understand each of my good and bad days would be them. They've been there too.
With all this support
"I'm Gonna Make A Change,
For Once In My Life
It's Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right . . ."**
♥ Sara
**Lyrics of "Man in the Mirror" written by Glen Ballard and Siedah Garrett
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