"Just Breathe"~Pearl Jam

I'm back!!!  A week long vacation with my entire family in Nags Head, NC.  And what a week it was!  

I first and foremost need to throw out a huge thank you to my husband, mother, sister and cousin.  These four people really did get me through this entire week.  I would have gone home after the first day had they not had the patience, love and support that I needed for the week.  

So I'm going to try and remember the week as much as possible for my MdDS followers.

So, Saturday was the drive down.  We had a car full of stuff and kids (my two and my one year old niece Keeleigh).  The kids were awesome all the way down.  I went ahead and took my meclizine as well as I wore my scope patch behind my ear (I typically will not wear these anymore because I've all of a sudden become allergic, so I only wore it for the day).  We made sure to take many breaks on the way down.  When we arrived we went to meet the rest of the family at a different cottage.  Between the decorations (lots of lines and tiles) and the kids plus the drive down, I went into panic mode.  My husband ran back and got my music (my saving grace at this point), we moved my seat to one that my back was away from a lot of the commotion and my cousin made sure to keep talking to me so that I could at least have dinner. 

Throughout a lot of the week I used my MP3 player to just block out a lot of noise.  Nags Head is a tourist destination with a lot of tourist all summer long.  With that in mind, I took my music to keep me distracted anytime we left the cottage.  I was actually able to go walk on the sand (I walk like everyone else in sand so I didn't feel so weird).  I could only be near the water on calm days.  I was even able to put my feet in the water for a few seconds at a time.  The hardest part was watching all of my family enjoy the water like I used to.  I wanted to go boarding so bad or just go out and float over the waves.  Even my 7 year old son was boarding this year which was so fun to watch when I could.  I tended to just hold my camera and take pictures because I could watch the sequence of pictures instead of watching it live.  

One of the biggest reasons I wanted to stay all week is that I wanted my family to see me 24/7 with this.  My grandfather was the hardest one to understand.  On one of the first days I literally had to crawl to the bathroom because the tiles in the room were moving on me.  I told my mom that I needed to get a large bath mat to cover the flooring to which my grandfather really didn't understand why if we are only here for a couple of days to spend money like that.  After explaining to him how I feel and finding pictures to show him what I see, he began to understand.  He also didn't understand the music part, he thought it was "rude" to plug my ears.  I explained that the music gave my brain something to focus on besides all the chaos, and that the music was on a low setting so I could hear them talk to me as well as me being able to respond without yelling.  

I did ended up having a few panic attacks.  I have emotional breakdowns a lot.  I was always known as the emotional one in my family.  Yes, I was the cry baby.  I try not to show my emotions much in front of people, however when everyone is right in your face, you can't help it.  I'm not sure how others feel, but when my panic attacks hit, I cry...a lot.  The frustration levels are way too high to ignore it.  

 I did find that I could play cards for a short period of time.  I also started to read again.  I could only read for very VERY short periods of time, but I was able to do it.  I also was able to shop with people's help.  I found this postcard and had to share it.  I did not change anything to the pic, this is the way it was.  This is what I see when I'm having one of my severely bad days:

 I did what I set out to do.  I stayed an entire week at a cottage right on the beach.  I watched my kids have fun.  Had late night laughs with my fellow insomnia cousin.  I know I pitched fits, cried a ton, but I laughed more.  I have a lot of great memories of my vacation.  I am worn out and ready to just relax this week.  My lesson that I've learned this week is to be very VERY prepared for anything.  Tell your fellow vacationers your typical behaviors or signs that help you out so they can help the way you need them to help. Let them know what you can and cannot do.  I now know that if I put my head to it, I can accomplish it.

More pictures to come as they go along with more stories.