"Home"~Phillip Phillips

Writing has been tough lately.  Its taken time to get this blog to you, mostly because I have not been home to write, but also because I haven't been in a writing mood.  
I made my trip to Richmond okay.  We left Friday night kinda late and got up there really late.  The next day we prepared for my girl Drea's 30th!  I wouldn't have missed it for anything!  She had a black & white soiree and it was a blast.  We decorated her house so cute! I was doing so well that, with help from my hubby, I was able to hang decorations up high on a wall with a chair!  I was so stable feeling on Saturday with only a few times that I felt slightly dizzy.  Then the party started, and as people started pouring into the house I decided to hide out in the kitchen were it was slightly less chaotic.  As I became used to the crowd, I was able to move around and converse normally with the guests.  My husband was by myside the whole time.  I know I pushed myself way too much, but I will not let this control me.  I will not let this takeover my life and tell me what I can and cannot do.  I refuse to miss out on my best friends birthday.  I put on a brave face and I tell people that I'm fine.  If I'm not fine, I sit down or move to a less crowded area.  Sunday I woke feeling dreadful.  I took a nap before we had to start the trip back home and I slept most of the way back.  
I have become stubborn with this.  I've put my foot down and told myself that no longer will this make me miss out on what I want to do, so I push hard.  Sometimes I push too hard, but I want to live my life.  There are days where even me pushing myself isn't enough and I'm stuck laying around the house, but I do what I can.
On a side note, I love that my kids love music as much as I do.  They dance for me when I can't.  They sing my favorite songs when they think I'm not listening.  They are at a good age to appreciate all types of music.  Lily informed me that she loves the girl music, however her favorite song at the moment is "We Are Young" by Fun.  She loves to dance to anything.  It cracks me up that I watch Ellen everyday and she has to dance with Ellen.  We even have to rewind the recording so she can dance some more.  Seth is into LMFAO.  He's learned all the words to "Party Rock" and "Sorry for Party Rocking."
Music is healing for me and I'm glad to see that my kids ask for the volume up so they can rock out.  I zone out and they rock out!  

**I would like to note that I started this blog earlier this week.  I was in the process of editing it, when tragedy hit today on the news.  I originally wasn't going to post today, but decided that I needed to. 
My thoughts and prayers go out to all of those affected by the shooting in Connecticut.  It is a horrible tragedy and my heart goes out to those children, teachers, parents, school officials, families, and community members.  I cannot wrap my head around how all of this has happened, as most of the country feels this pain.  To talk to my son about what happened was so hard, but he asked me questions and knows that I am always honest and will answer what I can.  I brought the details down to his level, told him what I felt was appropriate information to an extent.  What brought me to tears again today was that he said, "Mommy, God was ready for those babies to go home.  Can we pray for them so they can look out for other kids like me and my friends?"  Out of the mouth of babes!**
 

"I Will Wait"~Mumford and Sons

Let me just start by saying that I am not one to blast my religion onto anyone.  My beliefs are mine alone, those close to me know how and what I feel.  I hear all of the time, "How come we do not see modern day miracles?"  I say that its all in how you look at the world and your perspective.  We wonder, "Why me?" but forget to look at our neighbors who suffer worse.  In the last year I will state that I have seen two wonderful miracles, two acts of my loving God who has been looking over my shoulder and my family's.  I will not go into details of these miracles because they are very personal, and over time I  have changed my perspective.  At the beginning of this summer when I was first diagnosed, I selfishly thought "Why me?"  However, now looking at the bigger picture, yes I have MdDS, but two wonderful people in my family have been blessed more than I can ever imagine, and if I have to carry this burden, but they have been helped, then I will say my prayer of thanks.  I would gladly live every day with MdDS for the rest of my life thanking my God that I have my family by my side.  Its all in how you look at it.  Its a struggle more ways than one, but I will push through, we will push through.

This week has been so stressful.  I won't go into much detail because it is extremely personal and not my information to pass along, so I won't.  BUT! I plan on ending it on a fantastic note with a short trip to see the besties!!!  I'm leaving for Richmond for the weekend to get away and have a relaxing time with some friends.  My girl, Drea, is turning 30 and for the last 10 years I've celebrated her birthday either by her side or over the phone!  I'm not missing this year for anything!  We are leaving in just a few minutes and I've never been more excited to get away.

I've taken a few day trips, but we haven't done an over night trip in quite sometime so this will be good for me and my family.  We definitely need it.  So off we go! 

"Old Pine"~Ben Howard

These last few days have sucked!  I have felt miserable.  I've put on a brave face, but its been extremely hard, and last night I really started to crack.  I've been taking my Valium at night more often than I have in a long time.  My insomnia has kicked back in so hard.  I've also started getting severe joint pain.  The last time I hurt this bad was in the very beginning of my MdDS.  
Emotional I'm tense.  Every little thing aggravates me.  I have been trying my eyes closed counting, but I'm tense.  I'm snappy towards my kids and I don't want to be.  I've even snapped at my husband.  When he asked me what was wrong,  but I just broke down in tears.  
I don't know if this is from lack of sleep, hormones, or the valium that is screwing with my head.  The Valium is supposed to calm me enough so that I can sleep, but it hasn't been helping.  I've been sleeping in 1-2 hour increments.  Its frustrating.  
My house is a wreck.  I'm supposed to be getting ready for Christmas.  I have a living room & dining room full of packages that I need to wrap and all I do is look at them with frustration because I haven't even been home to touch anything.  I feel like I do nothing but dishes all the time, yet anytime I need a friggin fork there are no clean ones!  Who gets mad over a dirty fork!  Seriously!  I have baskets of laundry that have been clean for weeks and yet they aren't folded or hung up and after I use up all my energy to move things from the washer to dryer, I don't have energy to fold & hang.  So the baskets sit there, and then they get dug through because people need clean clothes and then they end up all over the floor out of the baskets.  I had a good system going with my laundry, but lately I've had no energy to do anything.  I clean one bathroom and I'm done for the day.  
I hate feeling like this.  I would love to have one "normal" day, hell at this point I'll go for one low-on-the-scale kinda days!  There is so much to be done, and no time at all for any of it.  
My goal for this week will be to get at least the laundry finished, presents wrapped, and all the dishes done before I head to Richmond this weekend.  I hope I even make it to Richmond, but that's a different story.  
So now I'm off to bed with another Valium in my system hoping for some rest.  Good Night all!

"Sleigh Ride"~SheDaisy

I'm sorry it has taken me awhile to write, however, I broke my laptop :-(  On one of my bad days I set it on the floor next to my bed.  Later blankets fell on top of it and I forgot it was there on the floor, so I accidentally stepped on it and cracked the screen.  I'm working on getting a new one, so for now I'm using my TV as my computer monitor :-)

So the holiday season is officially upon our household!  Thanksgiving went pretty well.  It definitely wore me out to the point of utter exhaustion Friday.  I used to be a Black Friday shopper, however I knew I wouldn't be able to handle the crowds this year.  It was definitely a bummer, but I new that I would figure something out for getting my holiday shopping done (tips below).  I spent my Friday in bed, and Saturday was spent running errands, and then putting up our Christmas tree. 
Our Christmas tree was given to us by my in-laws.  Thank goodness we have cathedral ceilings because it wouldn't fit in a normal sized room.  I'm typically not scared to stand on chairs or ladders to decorate the top of the tree, but this year was really tough.  I couldn't look up for long periods of time and I couldn't stay on the chair either so it took my kids and I longer to decorate than usual.  Luckily I have an awning that my daughter was able to reach over to put on the angel (it was her first time).  I then used a dining room chair that had arms around it so I felt a little more secure than being on a step ladder.  
Our tree is up, and Christmas music has started and I am feeling like I'm definitely in the holiday spirit.

I came up with some tips for shopping for the next month.  These can be helpful for any type of shopping whether its in a grocery store or out for buying presents.  My husband and I went to Bass Pro Shop on Saturday and the place was crowded.  Not as much as Black Friday, but it was still pretty packed.  This gave me the idea to do this list to help out, so here goes:

1.  Shop with a friend, family, partner, etc.  Have another adult with you if you are going into a store that you know will be full of people.  Best Buy, Walmart, Target, etc.  Big name places are having huge deals this season and tend to fill up on the weekends, which leads me to my second tip...
2.  Try to shop during the week in the early morning.  Most people have left for work and stores tend to be a little more empty during these times. 
3.  Now I know there are a lot of people who can't go during the week, but check your stores hours.  Most stores have extended their times for the season.  Check to see when they open on the weekends.  Early shopping hours on Saturday & Sunday are better times.
4.  Shop with your local Mom & Pop stores.  Small business could use your help this season.  They are usually less crowded as well.  Help your local farmers by buying their produce instead of fighting the grocery stores.  Go to your local farmers market to buy your holiday decorations, candles, soaps, etc.  Craft bazaars at schools and churches are in full swing as well!  You never know what you will find, and besides its outside!  Plenty of room to roam around on our rocky world without having to worry about bumping into things.  
5.  Shop online!  I know, I love to go out and find stuff while I'm out too, but this year was different.  I couldn't go out to the big deals so I stayed in my pjs and rocked out on the computer.  I had to take a lot of breaks because I was basically window shopping on each site, but it worked.  This goes for those Mom & Pop places as well!  A lot of companies are offering free shipping over a certain amount, discounts on big ticket items, and there are a ton of buy one, get ones this year.  Be sure to start this now though to give yourself ample amount of time to get your items.
6.  Check out companies like Pampered Chef, Tastefully Simple, Thirty-One, Tasteful Treasures, etc.  Although the main company is large the sellers are your local friends and family!  They are earning money on all of their sales this season, so help them out buy buying from their individual site.  


In other awesome news, I was mentioned in the December issue of the MdDS Foundation newsletter which you can read here.  
Thanks to all of you for encouraging me to continue to write, even when I'm not feeling my best.  It was nice to be recognized in the newsletter, but most importantly, this blog is reaching more people everyday who are dealing with this syndrome or who have family or friends who are dealing with it.  It is getting the word out to doctors, therapists, loved ones, which is the goal.  Thanks again for all of the support!

"What a Wonderful World"~Louis Armstrong

I know there are two more days until Thanksgiving, but I've compiled my list of thanks this year.  Each day the month of November I had something I was thankful for, and I already know what my #21 & #22 will be so I'll go ahead and add them to this list.  Now, just because I stated it in the month of November doesn't mean that it starts or stops there.  I just pointed it out for Thanksgiving.  I'm thankful for every day for the life that I have.  I am thankful for being alive everyday.  I am thankful for having a wonderful God in my life, and having such a wonderful and personal relationship with Him.  I am thankful for love, and surprising to some I am thankful for heartache and pain, because from those I grow to who I am.  I am thankful for the sun and the moon, the mountains & beaches, the calm & the storms.  I am thankful for what I've been given in life.  

My list starts here:
Day 1: I'm thankful for my best friend, partner, teammate, husband Josh Ensley. For 8 1/2 years he's been at my side through good & bad times. Through everything, our love has grown stronger each and every day.

Day 2: I'm thankful go my baby brother who was born on this day. A little boy who I still remember sneaking in his room when he was a baby to calm him to a man who I love more than this world. I always knew i wanted a baby brother and im so glad that i got that wish. Happy birthday Jacessa! Big sissy loves you! .

Day 3: I am thankful for good friends and good fun.

Day 4: I'm thankful for two wonderful, strong, beautiful women in my life who know me better than anyone. We've definitely had our lows but we've had amazing highs that make us forget the lows. Or my biggest support team for the last 29 years, my best friends, my momma and little sister.
Day 5: I am thankful for my two beautiful kids. Growing up all I ever wanted to be was a momma and I am lucky enough to have been blessed with two. They are two awesome kiddos!

Day 6: I am thankful for my freedoms. My right to vote and have a voice. I am thankful for the men & women who fight for our freedoms and the right to continue to live the way that I do. I am allowed to be who I want to be and there is no one to tell me that I CAN'T do something, because I CAN!

Day 7: I am thankful for docs who can see patients on the same day because here I am with Seth with asthma.
Day 8: I am thankful for our teachers. Everyday they are overworked and underpaid. They strive to push the best out of our children. In addition, there are a select few that go above and beyond and make an impression that will last a lifetime. I know I have my few.

Day 9: I'm thankful for my aunts, uncles, and cousins. I'm thankful to also be an aunt and cousin. My family means the world to me and I'm fortunate to be very close to the majority of my family and excite to become close to the rest.

Day 10: I'm thankful for grandparents. I'm lucky enough to have 3 living grandparents and my kids are lucky to have all 4 of theirs in their lives. I miss my grams dearly and wish she was here to enjoy the babies but I know she I looking down watching over us. We have a rule that the grandparents are allowed to spoil the babies all they want without say from the parents and I love the smiles my kids have from all the love they receive.

Day 11: I am so thankful for those who have served and who currently serve in our military. Growing in Norfolk, you have a very unique appreciation for all of those men and women. You get to work with retirees, meet the moms and dad who take care of their families while the spouses are away, and literally hear the sounds of our freedom while jets fly over. Although I not technically a military brat, I am proud to say that my dad was a navy man, and numerous dads that I adopted along the way were too! I have cousins, uncles, and friends who have all served...so thank you! Anchors Away! Semfer Fi! Hoorah!

Day 12: Today I am thankful for my extended family. Those that I have adopted as part of my family. Sometimes water does run thicker than blood for me. 

Day 13: I'm thankful for my comfy bed and dvr. Days like today when symptoms are at their worst and back I killing me, I'm loving just snuggling up with my Lilybug and taking it easy

Day 14: I'm thankful for my coupon master, Anna Middlebrook, for teaching me the ways of the coupon. HAHA! Because of her I have a great selection of food for my family without killing our budget. Thank you oh coupon masta!

Day 15: I am thankful my ability to cook good meals for my family. From the ability to be able to afford groceries, to the electricity I use to cook those meals, to the time I get to spend with my kids teaching them how to cook, along with the time I spent with my family learning how to cook. I love being in the kitchen, and even though I have to wait for my body to allow me to stand long enough, those good days are my favorite days.

Day 16: I'm thankful for a brother and sister in law who gets us awesome tickets to hockey games. Love me some Admirals!

Day 17: I am thankful for dancing. I've started being able to dance again in little spurts on my good days. I love that my mom paid for my rhythm and grace with 15 years of dance lessons. Music pulls at my heart and moves my feet. I'm always one of the firsts on the dance floor.

Day 18: I'm thankful for my state of Virginia. We have all four seasons. Enough snow in the winter, cool breezes in the spring, warm beach summers, and gorgeous travels with beautiful fall trees. It's gorgeous here and I wouldn't want to live anywhere else. Virginia is for lovers and I love VA.

Day 19: I'm thankful for my MdDS meds. Days like today they are much needed.

Day 20: I am thankful for my support team. My friends and family who have dropped everything to help me when I needed it most, whether it is to go grocery shopping, run errands, pick up my kids, help me clean, or even listen to me vent on the phone. This year had been very frustrating but the support that I have receive is just amazing.

 Day 21:  I am thankful for my mom-in-law & and father-in-law.  I am grateful that I have such a great relationship with them.  I've always been able to enjoy their company.  I love knowing that they have accepted me for who I am.

Day 22:  I am thankful for life.  I am thankful that I was given life, and that I brought in this world the gift of life to my children.  I am thankful that I am given a new day to learn and grow and become the person I want to be.  

Being thankful is something that should be done everyday.  We should be grateful for what we have, not what we don't.  We need to take a moment to be grateful that we are here in this world, that we are given the opportunities that life has to offer.  Even those who have nothing have thankfulness.  So take a moment and find what you are thankful for.  Pass on that feeling to those around you. 

"Endtapes"~The Joy Formidable

I received a message from a woman named Holly, who asked if I would check out a page and answer some questions.  Its about learning more about someone and their chronic illness...so here goes:
1. The illness I live with is:  Mal de Debarquement Syndrome (MdDS)
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year:  2012
3. But I had symptoms since: 2012
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: I'm no longer completely independent on myself
5. Most people assume:  Since I look & sound okay, that I'm okay
6. The hardest part about mornings are:  Realizing that nothing has changed and I'm still suffering.
7. My favorite medical TV show is:  Medical Mystery, The Doctors, and Dr. Oz
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is:  My cell phone.  Its my life link if something were to happen while I'm home alone with my daughter.
9. The hardest part about nights are:  Trying to fall asleep.  I have insomnia some nights from the motion.
10. Each day I take _0-4 pills & vitamins. (No comments, please)
11. Regarding alternative treatments I: I continue to look for new treatments.  I've tried a few different things, but they have made no change or made me feel worse.
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: visible. 
13. Regarding working and career:  non-existent.  I haven't been able to work since May.  I continue to train myself to be able to get back to work.
14. People would be surprised to know:  I have anxiety standing around people, even those I know, even my own family. 
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: I can't do everything that I want to do.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: Travel again
17. The commercials about my illness:  I haven't seen any.
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is:  Driving
19. It was really hard to have to give up:  My job
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is:  Writing this blog :-)
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: DRIVE! 
22. My illness has taught me:  Take each day one minute at time. 
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is:  Are you sure you can't work?
24. But I love it when people:  Have an open mind and ask questions without judgement.
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is:  I don't have a quote or motto, but music usually puts me in a better mood.  It relaxes me.
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them:  You are not alone and its not all in your head.
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: Changing and adjusting how I do things around my house and with my family.
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: My mom and little brother drove across town, bought dinner and brought it to my kids since I couldn't cook. 
29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because:  I actually just found out about it, but I promote awareness as much as I can to this syndrome.
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel:  Like people are becoming more understanding in what I am dealing with on a day to day basis.

Doing this list made me think a lot about my MdDS, and the thing with filling this out tells you how this affects me.  MdDS affects people different ways.  It is diagnosed each time by doing different studies and crossing off other diagnoses first.  I have learned that people have different symptoms that range on a scale from 0-9.  Some people go into a "forever remission," some have a short period of remission, and unfortunately there are those who never do.  Certain actions can exacerbate symptoms for some people while for others it makes their symptoms go away.  That is the reality of the syndrome.  So we need to continue to talk with one another, we need to be open and honest with our doctors and push our doctors to research this syndrome.  We need to stand for our own healthcare and not take no for an answer.  Invisible illnesses can be very frustrating, but we need to stay positive.  We need to support one another and continue to reach out to those who are willing to help us.  My goal is to get our information out to the public.  It will take time, but we will be recognized and information will get out to those who continue to suffer without a diagnosis.

Questionnaire from: Our 30 Things Meme

"Arms"~Christina Perri

I know I haven't written in awhile and that's because I kicked my own butt.
Last Thursday I had a great day.  I felt amazing.  I was only at a 1, so what did I do?  EVERYTHING!  I decided to work on a project of getting my room organized, which turned into also organizing the garage, fixing a toilet, and cleaning my room along with doing about 5 loads of laundry.  I was an idiot.  
I woke Friday hurting.  I messed up my back at some point and could barely move.  The tension in my neck caused a headache, which then brought on symptoms.  
Seth also had been sick the beginning of last week and was out of school, not returning until Friday.  We ended up having to change all of his asthma medicine and start every 4 hour breathing treatments.  Lets just say I'm worn out.
Saturday I was able to get out with my Mom and my son.  We had a good day, but I was exhausted by the time we were done.  We didn't mean to be out all day, but that tends to happen when my momma and I get out together.  
Lily went to her first Girl Scout camping trip.  She had such a great time and can't wait to go back again.  Hubby went hunting with my little brother.  This left Seth with me and momma, so of course he was loving the attention (just not all the shopping!)  He was spoiled of course, but that is allowed when the grandparents are around.
Sunday was set for just family time.  The kids and I hadn't seen Josh all week, so we made it a point to spend the day just the four of us.  The kids met their good behavior goals, so they were treated for the day.  Lily ended up with a new bear, and Seth decided on a new video game. 
This week I've been taking it really easy.  I haven't done much of anything but whats absolutely necessary (aka dishes, cooking meals, grocery shopping).  I've laid around the rest of the time, taking care of my back, my symptoms, and me period.
Today I got a little bit of mental medicine by going and seeing old friends at NSA.  I love my old co-workers.  I haven't worked there since the end of January, and haven't seen them since I was first diagnosed with MdDS.  I walk in and talking with them just feels like home.  I guess it has to do with working there for over 5 years.  My kids grew up in that office.  Heck.  I grew up in that office.  I was nice seeing old faces and just catching up, even if it was for only an hour.  I walked out of there feeling better than I did walking in, even though I was already feeling good this morning. 

"You put your arms around me and I'm home."~Christina Perri

"Blown Away"~Carrie Underwood

Saturday I traveled to my farthest location so far since being diagnosed with MdDS.  I traveled from Norfolk to Richmond and then from Richmond to Alexandria, and then I returned all in the same day.  The travel to Richmond wasn't bad, but by the time I got to Alexandria I did feel a little off.  The break of the bridal shower did help, but by the time I got to Richmond I was definitely over traveling and I really started to dread my final trip to Norfolk.  I ended up falling asleep on the last leg of the trip.  
I was hoping that I would be okay to travel so that I could at least make a trip to see my Grandparents in South Carolina, that trip is 7 hours one way. Josh pointed out that if I felt okay the next day that maybe I could make the trip.  It wasn't until the afternoon that I started to feel my "normal."  It becomes frustrating when you can't do what you want to do, and I know that those going through this feel the same way.
I haven't been able to accomplish anything that I wanted to this week.  Every day is going by in a blur...it just seems like I can't keep up with anything.  I feel like I'm overwhelmed and trying to do way too much, but I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING!!! Its so frustrating.  I've been an emotional wreck this week, and I don't know why.  I've cried more the last few days for no reason....hell even the commercials are having me tear up!  I know I'm a redhead, and I've always been the emotional one in my family, but this is getting to be a little ridiculous.  
To top off my week, Seth was not doing very well last night and I had to pull out the nebulizer and give him his first breathing treatment of the year.  He asked if he could stay home because his "throat felt fuzzy and bubbly and like he had two mouths" and "I squeak when I cough."  So he stayed home, I pumped him with albuterol, and then ended up heading to the doc where they changed all of his meds around.  Now, for those who don't know my son is a talker like his momma.  Albuterol makes you feel jittery and shaking and you become a little more hyper than usual.  They also gave me Orapred which is a steroid to help with inflammation of the lungs and airways.  Now mix the talkative son with the two meds and you get what is well known in my family as diarrhea  mouth and it goes a little something like this:
My mom:  "Welcome to diarrhea of the mouth."
Seth:  "Welcome to Diary of a Wimpy Kid.  I like chickens. Bock-bock. HAHAHA. Chickens are funny.  Bock-bock."  (P.S.  This sentence did not stop there...oh no!...It continued for 3 straight minutes that it took for us to get from the light outside my sister's neighborhood to her house.)
I'm not looking forward to the next 5 days of this, because not only will my child not stop talking, but you are supposed to have your child stay calm and relaxed, but when they are hyped up there is no controlling your child.  Ugh.  
Fingers crossed and lots of prayers.  This is going to be one hell of a week apparently!

"Carry On"~fun.

Yesterday was my first day of feeling normal again after Hurricane Sandy.  We were fortunate enough not to have any flooding issues with the house.  We had one decent size limb fall but nothing that we can't handle, and we also never lost power.  I know there are a ton of people who have lost everything, and my thoughts and prayers are with those people. 
I spent four days straight in bed starting on Saturday with the storm started to come in and cause massive pressure changes.  It was most severe on Sunday night into Monday night.  I can handle my normal symptoms of dizziness, but throw a severe pressure headache on top of that and I couldn't get up without feeling like I was a ball in a pinball machine.  It took a ton of energy just to get to the bathroom.  By Tuesday night I started to feel more human and by the time I woke up yesterday morning I felt back to my "normal" state.  
I was able to work on stuff around the house and get things picked up.  I pushed through to go trick-or-treating with my kiddos.  By the time we got home last night, I was flat out exhausted.  I fell asleep pretty quickly, yet I woke up at 2 this morning and didn't fall back asleep until 5 this morning.  I still woke at my normal time to help the kids get ready, and I am still good on energy...go figure?
While being stuck in bed for those four days, I had thought about how things have changed so much in just a few months since I came down with this crap (because that's just what it is).  I told my buddy that I would never forget his wedding anniversary that was for sure!  But also I'm now a stay at home mom, something that I never thought would happen, at least not this soon. 
I struggle every day to make each day a better day than yesterday.  I have great friends who I can't just up and go see because I'm terrified to travel.  I need to go see my grandparents in South Carolina...I miss them, a lot,  but I'm not sure how I would handle an 8 hour drive.  I'm heading to Richmond to try that out this weekend.  I want to see how I do, but I'm nervous about it all. My big sister in my sorority is getting married in March and I wish I could get to her more to help with planning, but its no easy task to just jump in a car and go (especially since I can't drive). 
Josh has now become our sole income and he literally works 15-16 hour days.  He leaves the house at 7:30 every morning and I usually don't see him until around 10 at night. We made a rule when Seth was born that bed time for him would be 8 so that we could have a couple hours to ourselves as a couple each night.  Those couple of hours (8-11) are basically non-existent some nights because I'm exhausted and my symptoms are their worst at night. 
I miss my independence.  I miss being able to jump in a car and just go where I need to go.  I miss my co-workers and working to help bring in an income.  I miss being able to work around the house and not get tired so easily.  I want to go outside and run with my kids.  Through all this though, I keep moving forward.  I have been able to stay off my meds on days where I'm at a 4 or lower.  I only take my meds if my symptoms get above a 5 and I will only take my valium if I'm at a 9 or if my anxiety gets up too high.  I'm proud of myself that I can stand and do the dishes, or sit and fold laundry.  I've also been able to start picking up my Nook and read as well.  (I can't read normal books yet, but with my Nook I adjusted the settings so its easier to read is short spurts.)  I'm progressing and I know that, I just want to get better at some of the harder tasks like driving and running. I'll get there soon.  I will Carry On....

"Sandy"~John Travolta from Grease Soundtrack

Appropriately titled :-) 
This hurricane sucks!  I usually love these storms.  I'm one of those crazies who say "Let's go check it out," but for the last three days I've been stuck in my house, in my bed with the lights out.  I'm miserable.  The pressure from this storm has been killing my head and I've been sitting at a 9 with no relief.  I've literally been bouncing off my walls from dizziness and lack of balance.  I've been laying around so much that my body is starting to ache. 
BUT!  I'm going to look at the plus side of this...I've been able to spend some quality time with my husband when he comes to check on me :-)  My kids also got an extra day with their daddy so they've gotten to spend quality time with him too. 
I know this is short and sweet but its killing my head, so I'll finish off for now, but I want to finish by saying that I hope that everyone is staying safe and warm and dry in their homes or shelters. 

"His Eye is on the Sparrow"~Lauryn Hill

Going to church has been a hard thing for me to do for a very long time.  Way before I was even diagnosed with MdDS.  However, when I asked if you needed help finding things that work for you, majority stated that going to church was extremely hard.  This was hard for me to understand, because church should be your most comfortable place to be able to be yourself, to feel warmth and to be comforted.  

"Heal me, LORD, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise." Jeremiah 17 : 14.*

I have avoided church for my own reasons, but it seemed like a very good sign when you asked for this type of topic, and in within two weeks time, I was needed at church for various reasons.  
The first was an unexpected funeral that I attended.  The funeral was very difficult for me because of the emotional aspect of it, but also because there is no getting up and moving around at the funeral.  This particular church had beautiful organ pipes running up the walls behind the pastor, and because of that I constantly felt dizzy.  There were a few times that I had to hang my head low and watch the carpet.  A few times I had to close my eyes and just pray on my own because I couldn't concentrate on what the pastor was saying to the congregation.  I stayed at the back of the church in case I needed to get up and move around because of me sitting for long periods of time is very difficult.  The large amount of people made me extremely nervous. 
The second time I went into church was for my daughter.  My beautiful, gorgeous girl joined a children's choir with a friend of mine and loved it.  She came to me and asked if I would come see her sing.  After the funeral, I was a little nervous, but this was the first time my daughter had asked or done something like this and knew I had to push through for her.  I attended and actually sat towards the front of the church.  The music was wonderful.  We were able to stand up to sing and so I just swayed to the music.  For the first time in a long time my heart wasn't heavy.  Yes, I held onto my husbands hand the whole time and also on the back of the pew in front of me.  I prayed hard, and felt lifted.  But during the sermon I had difficulties.  I started feeling anxious and nervous because I couldn't rock in the pew like my body wanted me to.  I tried to just sway sitting but felt like I was crazy because there were people behind me.  

"He said, 'If you will listen carefully to the voice of the Lord your God, and do what is right in his sight, and give heed to his commandments and keep all his statutes, I will not bring upon you any of the diseases that I brought upon the Egyptians; for I am the Lord who heals you.'"Exodus 15:26*

I plan to continue to go, but here are a few items that I've come up with to start us off.  I'll continue the list as soon as I notice more options for us out there.
Church is place where you come to open your heart, mind and soul.  No matter your denomination, you should feel comforted in your place of worship.  Your fellow worshipers should lift their hands up and be a comfort to you.  This is where accepting our syndrome and who we are becomes a large part of us.  I understand most people don't want the world to know what we are going through, but without talking about it and having awareness, there will be no end in sight.

So here is what I did and/or know to do in the future:
1.  I sat in the end of the pew and the back was much better than the front.  This way if I needed to get up, I wasn't a distraction.  
2.  When music started, I stood and I just swayed.  "You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness" Psalm 30:11*  I held on when I needed to and just rocked back and forth.  I let the music become a part of me, and in turn it made me feel better.
3.  I also found that there are churches in my area that have "Crying rooms" that have a live feed and windows that you can see into the church.  If your movement is so bad that you cannot sit with the congregation, but want to be a part of it.  These rooms are like your own little church bubble in a sense.  You can here the sermon, see the pastor and congregation, and be up and moving around without distraction.  
4.  Talk to your pastor.  Explain how you feel, and what is happening.  Tell him/her that you may have to stand, walk, move around.  Pastors are used to distractions.  They are great public speakers and should not be bothered by this.  
 
 It is going to take time and understanding for all parties, but church is a place where healing happens, mentally and physically.  
If you have your own tips, please leave them in the comments below so that we may be able to help each other out.

"Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress; he sent out his word and healed them, and delivered them from destruction. Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wonderful works to humankind."

 Psalm 107:19-21*

*All quotes from King  New Version Bible.

 

"What the Water Gave Me"~Florence & The Machine

I'm going to be short tonight because my head is killing me.  
This weather sucks!  One day its freezing, the next its hot.  One day its storming and the next its so sunny you need to put on sun screen.  This weather has not only caused runny noses & coughing for Seth, but has thrown me for a loop.  I usually never have a problem with weather ups & downs, but I guess now this is something that I'm going to have to get used to.  I've had this pressure in my ears, more so right than left, but its killing me.  Its not an ache like I have an ear infection, but just severe pressure.  Its also causing horrific headaches that no medicine can touch, not even my Fiorcet which I hate taking in the first place.  My rocking is so bad it is actually waking me up in the middle of the night.  Its a crazy feeling when you feel like an earthquake has hit while you are in a deep slumber.  Waking up each morning is one of the hardest things to do.  I'm so exhausted that at night I lay down for 10 minutes and I'm out.  I've actually gotten to the point that I want to take naps in the afternoon.  Its crazy how much the weather changes my day to day living.  Rainy days are the worst. 

"Not Afraid"~Eminem

I know, this song has completely different meaning, however the chorus & bridge is very strong to me.  I'm dedicating this to all my other MdDSers out there.  I've joined pretty much every support group out there, and reading everyday messages, posts and comments help more than you know, and I know most of you feel the same way.  
We know there is no cure.  There is no easy fix.  We are stuck with this syndrome and it sucks!  We try rehabs, exercises and meds.  We have our good days that give us hope and then the next day we are laid out.  Its an constant up hill battle that we have to climb, and we can barely walk straight.  We fight.  We struggle.  We push through.  We fall.  We cry.  We stress.  We get frustrated.  We fight.  We stand up.  We move forward (even if it is off balance and crooked).  We learn.  
We research everyday.  By using each other, we find new studies, new meds, new treatments.  For a lucky few, you find what works.  For a lucky few, your symptoms disappear again.  But for most, we continue the fight everyday.  Yes, we have friends who try to support and understand.  We have family who help and push through with us.  But having someone who knows exactly what you are going through every day, someone who says, "Me too!," someone who has been through the trials and fails of treatments, it makes you feel like you aren't crazy.  Its amazing when you put a post up on a wall, and immediately someone says, "You will get through this.  We will get through this."  
We may not feel strong everyday.  We are entitled to our weak days.  We are strong though.  We ARE fighters.  We will find the cure.  We will fight until there is no one who ever has to feel this way again.

"I'm not afraid (I'm not afraid)
To take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody)
Come take my hand (come take my hand)
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just letting you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel like you've been down the same road (same road)

And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, I'ma face my demons
I'm manning up, I'ma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now" 

Thank you to those who respond to post, who comment, and who suggest treatments.  We can get through all of this together.  We will stand out ground, fight and get out lives back.  Day by day, we will do this.   

"October"~U2

Let me just start off with the face that I LOVE this song!  Its just so simple, so beautiful.  Its so appropriate, not just for the month, but the fact that the song says
"October
And the trees are stripped bare
Of all they wear
What do I care
October
And Kingdoms rise
And Kingdoms fall
But you go on...
...and on..."
So here I am, going on & on.
I've been a musical mood lately, which I guess is good since I need some new music to use at titles for my blog, but also because my kids are driving me crazy singing the same songs over & over again.  I must say that my kids amaze me in the fact that they can hear a song one or two times and they've learned at least the chorus, if not more of the song.
On another note, my post op appointment went well.  I even had to go to a different office, which between all of the mini blinds on the windows & carpet, I got a little dizzy, but I only stayed at about a 3!!!  I've only been at a max of 4 this week which is AMAZING!  I was able to grocery shop last night and still come home and clean and walk to go get Seth from school without any bad episodes.  
And one last note for the day, I am addicted to "The Chew."  This show is amazing because we now are currently on a major budget and I watch them make meals that are so easy, yet so inexpensive.  Now don't get me wrong, I am a Food Network girl; however, I'm always discouraged because the meals have items that there is no way I could make either because its too expensive or too time consuming.  I'll let you guys know if I find any recipes that work well for a family of 4 that are easy for us MdDS people (or the non-MdDS...not trying to leave you guys out either :-D )
My last note of the day is I need some ideas for new blogs.  I don't want to repeat on tips for MdDSers.  I'll continue to write my day-to-day type blogs on how I am on a daily-weekly basis, but I want to be able to help out my fellow MdDS friends, so if there are topics that you would like to have idea or tips, then please let me know.  I will be glad to look at them and figure out ways to help.  Also, if there are any non-MdDSers that would like to know more information on day-to-day life, let me know your questions and I can do an Q&A blog. 
 Please find me on Facebook, Twitter or E-mail me at bubandbugsmom@yahoo.com. 

"Wild"~Royal Teeth

This weekend was awesome! We spent Saturday with my in laws.  My hubby got to go golfing with his dad, brother, and my son, and I got to spend the day with my mother-in-law and daughter.  Most women would dread this, but you have to understand that I love my mom-in-law.  She is a phenomenal woman who has been so supportive of me and my family.  We had a great time together. Both my father & mom-in-law are great people. 
That night we had a family movie night at home with "The Avengers" and the kids had their first slumber party on the floor of the living room.  I couldn't watch parts of the movie due to flashing lights and fast moving actions, but we still had a good time.
Then Sunday was time well spent with my family.  Lunch with my momma & grandfather, and then dinner with my mom, brother, sister & my little family.  Tons of good conversation & lots of laughs.  I love our Sunday family dinners. 
This weekend gave me a great appreciation for the fact that both my family & my husband's family are close by.  My kids get to be close to their family too, so they get to experience it all too.  
On a happier note, my MdDS has been about at 3-4 level!!!  It feels amazing!  We shall see how the rest of the week goes because the weather is sucky and when weather is sucky I feel yucky!  So far, so good though!

"Kind & Generous"~Natalie Merchant

I'M BACK!  WOOO HOOO!  

I haven't written in awhile due to my surgery from last week.  Recovery was a little harder than I thought.  So here's my update:
I was really concerned about going under with my MdDS.  When I woke up I felt so nauseated, but the docs were awesome about getting that under control.  I really wish I had those kind of drugs for my bad days, let me tell you!  It was like instant relief.  I slept awhile there in the hospital, but was able to go home okay.  However, the first time I stood on my feet the entire room shook.  I felt like I was on a boat on "Deadliest Catch".  It was horrible!  But after walking a bit, I was somewhat okay.  My hubby had to walk me to the bathroom and help with getting dressed, but I was good.  I came home and slept most of the day.  
I wrote last week about having to let go of my job as well which was really tough for me.  I loved my job, but this is my plan for now, and so I must follow it. 
So this weekend I was feeling way better about everything, but because I felt so wonderful I ended up pushing myself too hard on Saturday.  Sunday I tried relaxing and we got to have our first family dinner in a long time with my sister, brother, mom & niece along with my hubby & kids.  It was good energy and I felt good when I left there as well.  
Here comes Monday.  I woke up feeling tired and ended up taking a nap early in the morning.  I woke up to "A Baby Story" on TLC.  Seeing someone have a baby just made a wave of emotion hit me.  It was the first time I really truly grieved over the fact that my husband & I are done having children.  For me this is hard because I always wanted a big family.  I also loved being pregnant and to never have that feeling of a baby again was devastating to me.  About an hour later I had to go out to my job to turn in my security card & termination paperwork.  It was official, my job was done.  This emotional Monday was destruction to my MdDS (which up until this point had been roughly normal).  
Here comes Tuesday.  I go to get out of bed to take care of the kids and I feel like I just did a week ago coming out of surgery. My entire room rocking so hard.  I started getting dizzy and began to black out.  My beautiful dog, Creamer was there when I went down and was there when I woke to her licking my hand.  I got up thinking, I just need to eat something.  Next came horrible neck & shoulder pain.  I persevered and continued getting Seth ready for school.  Here comes the dizzy spell and another black out.  When I came to this time, I decided that today is going to be just a couch day.  Next thing I know my head is KILLING ME!  I can't lift my head off of my pillow.  I stand up to get my phone and see aura the entire time.  All I can do is text my husband....a text that was written like this "I dizzy headache keep blacking out need help please."  Josh comes home and takes me to the doctor.  Migraine.  Great.  This is one of the worst migraines I've had since high school and those were debilitating headaches.  Rest.  I need sleep.  So I go home and just sleep all day.  The next day my mom-in-law comes to get Lily and takes her to her house and I'm here at home to sleep off the residual headache.  I'm miserable.
Here comes Wednesday.  Today is much better.  I feel almost my "normal" self.  Still got my rocking thing going on, but its not too bad.  I
I've decided that I'm not going to push myself anymore.  I expect to have more bouts of emotions, but I'm going to get through this.  I'm going to to claim my new life and keep moving forward.  It took me awhile to come back, but I'm here and I'm going to get back into my routine of writing again.  
I want to say thanks to all of my followers for all the wonderful messages.  They have been very comforting and have definitely given me a lot of strength when I didn't think I had any left.  
To my mom, mom-in-law, Tara, Jake, Sharon, Jessica, Sue Ann, and Anna for helping so much these last two weeks.  
To my husband who has been my rock through all of this.  I know that you have had your feelings about everything as well.  It has been a tough road these last few months, but we've pushed through together.  We have definitely followed through every portion of our vows to one another these last few months and I'm so happy that you are my partner through it all.

 Here's to many more entries!

"Jesus Take the Wheel"~Carrie Underwood

Ok, so...wow...lots to talk about, so here goes.
There have been a lot of things going on that I haven't been able to talk about on here for a lot of reasons.  But now that everything is done, and I've had a lot of prayer, I feel like it is time for me to open up about what has been going on (and also the reasoning behind a lot of my days being higher on the scale).
So first of all, I have had to let my job go.  I haven't been well enough to be able to do my job efficiently.  It wouldn't be fair to myself or my team had I tried to go back because I would have been useless.  I have been working with my doctors, therapists and now a psychiatrist to try and get myself back to the level I need to be to be able to work, and unfortunately my time ran up at my job.  I loved my new job.  I just started working there in January and I loved every minute of it.  It was a challenge that I needed.  It pushed me to be a better person.  I felt so smart and knowledgeable in my area.  I was ready to face the day to day challenges with my job.  Unfortunately, facing those challenges with the challenges of MdDS just wasn't possible.
Second, in June I was told that if I didn't want to suffer with pain that I was having on top of my MdDS (but not related) I would need to have a hysterectomy.  You have seen me write about my two beautiful children.  I love being a mom.  Its all I've ever wanted to be and I always wanted a large family.  These dreams were shut down when I was told that this was my only option. At 29 I never thought I would ever have to think about a hysterectomy.  This news has been devastating to me and my family.  My husband has been stronger than ever.  I tried to put the surgery off as long as I could, however the pain had become unbearable.  Walking or standing for long periods of time was excruciating.   After long talks with friends who have had the surgery, talking with my mom, and other family, along with of course my husband, I decided to have the surgery.  
Finally, last week I decided to start seeing a psychiatrist.  I have fought with depression in the past and with all of these other issues going on along with my MdDS, I was worried of falling into that pit again.  As I explained to the doc about everything going on since May all he could say was "Wow.  All I keep hearing is how much loss you've gone through these last few months."  Until he said that, I guess I never realized how much I have lost these last few months.  I've essentially lost who I used to be.  I'm having to adjust to this new person that I have had to become.  
So the last few days I've prayed harder than I have in a long time.  I've lifted my hands to Him, prayed for Him to keep me safe, and for guidance on this new life.  I'm no longer able to have children, but I have two beautiful children that He has given to me & Josh.  I am no longer a working mom, but a stay-at-home mom.  I walk funny, I rock when I'm standing still, I shake in big crowds, and I close my eyes when there are patterns on wallpaper or floors that make me dizzy.  I will take each day that He gives me and cherish every moment.  I have my husband by my side and our Father guiding us through everyday.  
This summer has definitely made my faith so much stronger than it ever has been.  I have thanked Him everyday for my wonderful, supportive, loving friends and family.  Because without them, that pit would have come up a lot faster than what it has.  It would have swallowed me whole, but I've been able to stop it, and I will continue to stop it.

"Spark"~Tori Amos

Today was another day of being stuffy.  My fall allergies have officially kicked in, but it is worse than it ever has been.  So the stuffy sinuses I can handle, same with the scratchy itchy eyes & throat, but I've got the most awful pain in my ears especially the right side.  The pressure is unbearable and making me walk so off balance.  To top it off, sneezing sucks! My kids think it is funny when I start sneezing multiple times because by sneeze three I'm to the floor.  haha.  I have to say at this point I find humor in it too.  Its like that commercial "How many licks does it take to get to the center of Tootsie Pop?"  Mine would be "How many sneezes does it take to take me to the floor?"
On another note, today I went and saw a psychiatrist today.  He was very perceptive to what was going on with me.  I finally broke down to see a psychiatrist because I've had depression before, and I really don't want to go back to that dark place.  The anxiety and panic attacks get the best of me sometimes.  I also have been having issues with learning to adjust to the new me.  I try to look at the good in everything.  I try to stay optimistic, but its very difficult some days.  Those days when it seems like everything that can go wrong does.  You are clumsy and tripping over stuff, dropping things, forgetting everything.  I just get really down on those days and I don't want it to get any worse.  I've accepted this as my new life, but the adjustments are so hard sometimes.  They are overwhelming and frustrating, so my psychiatrist is going to try and help me out with adjusting and controlling my emotions which can be all over the place.
I want to finish off today by talking straight to other MdDSers and say that this syndrome stinks.  No one truly understands what you are going through except for other MdDSers.  But I must say, everyday you need to look and find at least one positive thing that happened that day.  Keep your head up (even if it is bobbing & weaving all over the place).  I'm excited to read others trying to continuing living their life.  That's all we can do.  Continue to travel, go to theme parks, go camping, go to our son's or daughter's wedding, trying to work, or get back to doing our favorite hobbies such as reading or writing...even if this scares the mess out of us, we at least TRY.  All we can do is TRY, and for some we succeed, and for others we learn not to do it again.  The one thing we have in common besides the MdDS, is the enormous support for one another.  So thank you for all the support for my blog and I send my support for your future endeavors as well.

"Boots Are Made For Walking"~Nancy Sinatra

Here is the second blog for today...and this one is about shoes.  I've never been a shoe person...that would be my sister, the fashionista of the family, but because of my MdDS I'm looking at all kinds of shoes that I would typically not wear.  
I'm a flip-flop person in the spring & summer and tennis shoes in the fall & winter.  Since I was diagnosed, I've worn nothing but flip-flops.  I've actually worn through 2 pairs of flips flops this summer.  I like the flips because the soles are thin and I can feel the ground much better.  It helps me adjust to the floors, grounds, & sidewalks.  Now wearing flips everyday has made my ankles & heels hurt so much because of the lack of support.  
Now its fall and I need warmer shoes.  I've tried wearing my tennis shoes through the summer and can't walk in them.  I feel like I'm walking on a moon bounce.  Needless to say I immediately start to fall over or walk like a drunk in sneakers.  
So I started reading our support groups and many people had ideas for shoes.  Some said to try the "Shape-Ups®" and others said to try a type of Moccasin®.  So I tried on a few different shoes and I'm still looking.  The toner shoes did not help me at all.  They made me feel so much worse...but more power to those who can manage it!  The Moccasins were really comfortable and I'm definitely going to invest in some of those.  I also found a great pair of Champion® shoes that have a very thin sole.  They aren't the greatest for ankle support, but they definitely helped with my heels and arches.  The soles were as thin as a flip flop but they were still really comfortable.  They were also very lightweight so I didn't feel like I was wearing weights on my feet.  
I already owned a pair of Nike® shoes and also Reebok®.  I loved these shoes, but unfortunately the types I have are either too heavy or the soles are too thick.  So they go to the bottom of the closet and if my symptoms go away, the shoes will come back out.  
I'm going to continue shopping for them and as I try them out I will let you know if I find anymore.   
If you know of a type of shoe to try let me know!  I'll be glad to go check them out and let you know how it goes :-)  

"Be Our Guest"~Beauty & The Beast

Today I'm writing two blogs, at the same time.  Talk about multi-tasking...woo hoo! hahah

The first one is about cooking...again.  Cooking is one of the most dangerous tasks someone with MdDS can do because of the fact that cooking is dangerous for even a normal person.  Cutting, chopping, hot stoves, pots and boiling liquids.  The reason I'm writing about this again is because I've received questions on the types of things I use in the kitchen to help me on days when I don't trust my knife skills.  Here are the items that I will use:

 Pampered Chef® Mandolin, The Onion Chop®, Pampered Chef® Food Chopper, 

Pampered Chef® Cutting Board, and an egg slicer

Ok, so first off let me say, yes, I know its a lot of Pampered Chef.  Years ago I sold it, so I still have my items, but I've also used other brands and they work just fine, except the mandolin.  The mandolin is specially made through Pampered Chef for a chef's protection.  There is no where for you to cut yourself!  The blades stay locked away unless you take the slide down to the end and it only pops out for that second.  Your fingers are completely protected.  Even my kids were able to use it at ages 3 &4.  So I really do suggest their mandolin.

Second is The Onion Chop.  I saw this on TV one day years ago, and picked on up at an "As Seen On TV" store, but I've seen them at Target®, Walmart®, and most drug stores.  There are two types of blades that can be used.  One is a minced size and the other is a chopped size.  You can use this not only for onions, but for most veggies.  Again, so easy my kids can use it.  The downside to this is that is not very easy to clean.  It does take some patience, so soak it right after you are done with it. 

Next we have the food chopper and the egg slicer.  These items are awesome!  You can use them for anything!  The food chopper can chop pieces of cooked beef, pork or chicken up for BBQ sandwiches or soups.  You can also use the chopper for chopping up chocolates, candies and nuts. So the slicer is one of my favorites!  I use this for not only eggs, but strawberries, tomatoes and cucumbers.  The trick with slicer is to get one with wired clutters.  If you look at the top of my slicer its metal, and the rest is plastic.  Now you can't get one of the cheaper products where the plastic is not a strong plastic.  If you get a cheaper version, it will break or will cause more problems than be helpful.

Last we have the cutting board.  I bought this one again through Pampered Chef®.  The reason why I love this cutting board is because the edges are made of a rubber material.  This material helps with sliding issues.  The rubber helps it stay in place, but it also has a measure ruler on it that helps with cutting perfect slices.  Now if you can't find a cutting board like this, then you can use a rubber shelf liner under your cutting boards.  They grip the board to your counter so it won't move on you.

So another tip I have for you is to get a stool.  I have one that I have cut down the legs so that I don't have to "hop" up onto.  I can just sit right down, but its high enough that I can still reach my counter tops.   Also pizza cutters are great to use.  Its a way to cut with your hand away from the blades.  

Hope these tips help you out! 

 

"Sailing"~*NSYNC

Appropriate song for the last two days.  I've been at a 8-9 yesterday and today, and having a migraine on top of it isn't helping. 
I know that I've mentioned numbers before and here's why.  So with MdDS there is a symptom severity scale.  Most MdDS patients rate their days to show improvement or unfortunately worsening of symptoms. Here is a link so you can read: MdDS Scale.  The scale is provided by the MdDS Foundation.  So today is a day that my symptoms are at their worst.   Every patient prays for a 0 day or even a 1-2 day, but I've been praying for a 6 kinda day.  
So how to cope with a 8-9 day.  First of all, any day with this syndrome is a fight, its a struggle, and its a learning process.  So here's how I've coped.  I stuck to my every day routine.  I woke up, got ready for the day and made breakfast.  However breakfast today was Pop-Tarts & fruit that I cut up earlier in the week.  Seth wanted to take his lunch, so we made ham & cheese roll ups.  I didn't trust myself with any knife work this morning.  We also went easy route of fruit cup, juice box & cookie.  No cutting, no pouring.  After I took him to school, I rested all day.  I even took some of my meds, which I have steered away from.  I'm not a pill taker.  I hate meds with a passion, but today was a pill kind of day.  After picking up kids from school, I came home a rested more.  By dinner time I was able to use some of my more sturdy knives to cut sweet potato fries but I left it at that.  Those fries went along side some chicken nuggets and again more fruit.  I didn't want to mess with the stove so everything was in the oven.  I stay away from the stove on bad days for fear of getting too dizzy and something burning or catching fire and me not being able to fix the problem.  Oven foods work great because you can put it in and go sit at a table for at least 20 minutes before its time to take food out.  If I'm not using the oven, it would be the microwave or the crock-pot.  I have go-to meals for the crock pot that are easy for bad days.  And for those days that I really am not up for anything, we call that Cereal Night!!!! Yay!! haha.
I've gone back to my tricks of crawling up the stairs and sliding down them today as well.  I have only gotten up when necessary.
So tonight I go to bed, again taking a Valium to help with my anxiety and the motion of the ocean.  Hopefully tomorrow will go down to 6...fingers crossed !X!X!X

"The Catalyst"~Linkin Park

So like I've explained before, MdDS has made me have to re-learn how to do normal everyday activities.  This includes housework.  Housework has been one of the toughest to overcome.  Josh has been working very long hours so I try to do as much as I can during the day and week so he doesn't have to worry about that as well as everything else.  So I have finally mastered laundry.  It sounds so simple, but believe me, the bending over and standing up is a pain and makes symptoms worse.  Not to mention standing on your feet for a long time.  I've included pictures so you can see exactly what my system is.  

So first of all, here is my laundry room.  I have a top loader washer and front load dryer.  In between the two machines is a two draw bin.  The top drawer has hangers for the kids clothes and the bottom is for adult clothes.  On top of this bin is our laundry detergent (I get the big buckets from Sam's or Costco, unless I find cheaper in another store).  All of my other detergents, bleach, stain removers and dryer sheets are on top of the dryer.  There is an old detergent bin behind my soap for trash (lint, etc.)  I have different baskets for different items.  This basket shown is for towels.  I have 3 other baskets for whites, lights, and darks.  I try to sort clothes as people take them off.  This takes away from work later.  Most of my baskets are tall, but my towel basket is shorter (and has wheels so I can push it around since its the heaviest of baskets).  This system works for me because everything is at my height level so it makes for less bending over.  Also, as I've suggested for other MdDSers, using a long reach grabber will help get the clothes out of the bottom of the washer as well.  If you have a front loader washer & dryer then use a stool so you can sit and just grab and toss from one to the other.  It can help too.


Secondly, I love to reuse these detergent buckets for all kinds of stuff.  My favorite use it to lift up baskets that are short to bring them up higher.  Its not too much to lift it up on top of the bucket and then toss from basket to machine.  Also if Lily wants to help, she'll use it as a stool to stand on so she can reach inside the washer.  




Now, if you look at the picture above, you'll see a pile of laundry on the door to the dryer.  I will do all reaching into the washer and put everything on the door until the washer is empty, and then push everything into the dryer.  This makes its so I'm not bending to grab clothes, standing up and then bending to throw them in the dryer. 

Now as far as hanging up goes.  I'll take and sort the clothes, mine & Josh's and then Seth & Lily's.  I'll fold all the clothes as I go through and then I'll hang later.  I do this all either on the couch or on my bed so I'm not standing too much.  I'll grab a bin of hangers and hang the clothes up together.  The kids are responsible to put their folded clothes away and I hang the clothes in their closets or Josh will help me with it if I'm too worn out.

My laundry gets done throughout the week so I'm not loaded down with it, however there goes periods where it may not get hung up or folded right after because of symptoms being bad, so I do have to do some ironing, which I don't mind either. 

I hope this helps.  Anyone else have any good tips?